The Butterfly...

...told me so. A small reminder. A timely suggestion.

Often enough I talk, act, and think in a serious way. It seems that so many things warrant such treatment that I habitually loose track of the lighter side of things. I think I have mentioned that before, this time I got hung up on saying the right words. It's odd how some people never seem to give consideration to how they talk about something while others try to show some level of caution with their words. With me it tends to be an extreme of caution and consideration. Most of the time anyway. And when it doesn't come out as quality product I beat on myself. It's a big part of the reason I love typing conversations and things. Their are few times when I have been rushed and managed to say what I really wanted to. This time though I rushed myself and because of it I worried that it had not been received well. In all honesty that would make 5 conversations/statements in about 2 weeks that went this way. So as I left work yesterday, mind locked up in this mini-mind war, walking to the car a block away a little butterfly fluttered into sight on my right. A little white one which is very common in this area.

As I walked at my normal pace it fluttered next to me. As if we were old friends walking down the street chatting. It only lasted about ten feet, but I was completely engaged by my little floating friend. So much so that I couldn't help but say hi to him and ask him how he was doing. He decided to part ways with me, our time together short but sweet, and I continued to the car. But the world had changed in those few seconds we spent together. As if a messenger had been sent to break me from my internal struggle. To help me remember the world is larger than I am. To bring me some balance. The sky was gorgeous and the temperature was about perfect. The smell wasn't great (from the flooding), but the colors were vibrant. The little things seemed to pop out again. A complete 180 from the gloomy prison I had been walking in moments earlier.

This happened once before though the messenger was a double dose of rainbows that time and several other times before that even. I need things like this in my life and I suspect I am far from alone. Be it a person who helps keeps you balanced or the occasional odd messenger, I hope you find the inspiration to modify your direction when the need is great. A subtle/discreet moment along the way can prove to be devastating to old vices.

Mass Confusion

This is a recent writing from on vacation. It was nice to have been able to write creatively on the matter as apposed to the consistant serious writing that the situation demands almost daily. Though worthwhile it can be exhausting. So this is an honest and open representation of my passing thoughts at the time in regards to that situation.

Note: I did not write or post this for the sake or intent of doing anyone harm. Obviously this has to do with a particular group of people who are in a particular predicament and for that I have excersized a great deal of caution, but if I do manage to upset you please note me for further discussion.
___

Besieged and confused,my people wander blindly.
Sight once valued as priceless,now regarded as a crutch.
Standing among darkness in defiant of truth.

Screaming out to each other,forming language incoherant.
Unable to understand each other,in the deep with nothing to say.
Speaking against themselves while shadows grow longer.

Longing for protection,they do not accept the shield.
Raising hands to block the sword,spilling their blood in arrogance.
They have choosen to stand naked under the assult.

Reach for understanding,while gathering up lies.
Smiling in the shadows,comforted by the prides caress.
It crawls after them dragging shredded wings.

They wonder where they are,they wonder how to move.
This prison holds them fast,their shackles tightly fixed.
By choice they had struggled in comfort...

...and by choice they may continue.

Divide and Conquer

This is a piece of poemistry or at least creative writing that I did last week while on vacation recovering from stresses and resisting temptations. It is a very real internal struggle of darkness and light. Something I deal with consistantly as a Christian.
___

(Staring blankly into the reflection I hear them whisper.)

Do what you desire as it is yours, nothing will stop you or find fault within.
Do not deny me I am your friend, it is my place here to aid you.
Reach out and take it, too late to change course.

I am here my child!

All is lost now let me in,I have never left your side.
What you have done is blood on your hands,it will not wash clean.
Stop struggling the day is lost,the sun has set on you.

I am here. I have not left you. Seek me and be strong.

What is it you seek,it shall be made yours.
Take this my gift to you,make is as your own.
That's right I am your friend,remember the life we once had?

I AM...and you are mine! Do not fear, do not faulter!

I will not let you go,you are mine!
See that shadow it is my home,I will never leave your side.
Do not blink don't even sleep,for I will be laying in wait...

(Staring blankly into the reflection I see them within.)

A Strange Design

EEEEWWWW! Talk about freaky. *shudders* I love bugs, I do really, but not on me please. A few days ago I found a deer tick on me. He was all business and had only just started to work on me. It's been years since I found a tick on me. I really didn't know what to do of course execpt get him off me. Unfortunatly the methods and ideas about right and wrong tick removal vary and contradict everywhere. Leaving me to fumble along somewhat blindly. In the end I was victorious but it was not a clean victory. Now I have to keep an eye on the bite for a few weeks. Ugh! And I'm starting to think I carried him all the way from Virginia. Or maybe I got him off Max after letting her out back. Who knows.

Though of an amazing design I wonder to myself, why ticks? What's the point in that? I mean creation holds a vast number of creatures and all have a place of some sort. Even if the place is to balance an ecosystem and nothing else. But why a tick? Seriously. Mosquitos and ticks are pointless and invasive, imo. I'm sure many others are as well, but whatever I'm ranting. ^_^ I do wonder at times what the deal was with certain things in creation were designed for. I mean I don't doubt that their was a reason and even if not then maybe it was just a burst of creativity on Gods part, if such a things is fathomable. Who knows such a thing. Still it is interesting.

On a side note. I can't stop thinking about "The Tick" cartoon and TV series. Does anyone else remember that show, man it was awesome and hilarious. A goofy take on super heors and super villains. The tick was a guy in a blue costume who was all heart and no brains. Yet he was able to fight crime because he was super strong and near indestructable. But he never took the suit off. I don't know how that relates aside from the name Tick, but I doubt its important. :)

Round 1 K.O.

What the heck happened to me? I just got beat up by my own punching bag. Thank goodness my mind and spirit are relatively sharp cause I'm like an old man physically. I was wasting time as usual in between writing for the forums and the art sites, getting semi-ready to go to the gym at 9. When I'm in a mood that involves pasing around the appartment I usually end up taking shots at the weightbag in the computer room. I've had since I was a kid and over the years have made great use of it. I do not remember a time though that the bag won, aside from today. It wasn't the first time I lost to an inanimate object mind you, once a tree and once the wall of a hallway, but still. It's embarrassing. =)

I remember a day that I was able to crouch or kneel down and stay in that position for hours. Or hang and flip around on a tree or park jungle gym. I even remember a time when I could walk all day and only get blisters on my feet and a decent sunburn. I remember skiing for hours on end and then going home to stay up carelessly running around the neighborhood as if I had just put a brand new set of batteries in. I remember being in shape for no reason and having mostly blond or dirty blond hair. *sigh* I'm getting old. I'm sure it is a relative thing. For those older than me I am young and for those younger I am old. I understand that, but still, from where I'm sitting young men do not lose a fist fight to a weight bag.

So yea, there I layed in from of the swaying bag in defeat. Waiting for the pain to subside while thinking, "This is just sad." Long gone are the days of external youth, but thankfully I laughed deep at the thought of ageing and the pain running from hand to shoulder. I'll sleep easy tonight knowing my age is bound up in my body, but not my spirit. Truly that is the one place age can truly kill. When it gets inside and takes your joy. Saping the life out of a man/woman.

Ok, well it's time for the gym now and break something else. ^_^ Have a great night.

Graceful Re-entry

Hello all! How's life treating you? Yea me to. (^_^) Vacation was wonderful. I had a great day of travel, no serious road hassles, and arrived about 5 minutes after the designated check in time. Once I was in the condo thinger and unpacked I couldn't help but feel free. The rooms felt big and oozed "welcome" to me. The place was very large for one person and was well taken care of I thought. It had a balcony, that I never actually used, and a Jacuzzi which I also did not use. Oh well, not really a Jacuzzi guy. XD The first night it stormed a little so I snacked on the foods I brought with me and watch TV on the bed.

On Monday I woke up and really wanted to keep from getting into a rut of TV watching so I gathered maps and gear and headed out into the shop area not far down the road. Picked up a few essentials and then headed down roads. Taking basic aim and seeing where they led. I ended up at a Williamsburg visitor center and made good use of it by way of camera. After that I turned down another road and found several creeks/bridges to take pics of. A beautiful day all around though I didn't actually do much but drive and shoot. Finished the day off with TV shows I have never seen before. Comedies, Cartoons, Discovery, TLC, etc. You know, the good stuff.

Tuesday I woke up late and had reservations to hear the schpeel of the timeshare guardians while eating lunch. The reward was too great to deny and a free lunch is a good thing while on vacation I think. My seller guy was Mike and he was a nice guy indeed. Knowing full well I wasn't able to purchase timeshare he sat and talked about his family and travel as well as pointed out some nice spots in the area to visit. After it was over and I collected the prize for my time. I headed over to the resort where their was a nature trail. It was not a grand nature trail as some in the area were, but it provided plenty of opportunities for photography and was on the way to the on site general store. Snackies!

Wednesday I woke up late again and headed straight into Williamsburg to walk the streets and take in the atmosphere. Camera in hand I spent several hours along the main strip. It is such a cool place even for a non-history buff like myself. It holds more personal history than it does actual "historical" history for me. By the time I left it was getting dark and so I called it a night while watching some cool TV shows in the air-conditioned condo.

Thursday I woke up and drove down past Newport News and Norfolk to see the Virginia Aquarium/Museum which was not spectacular, but none the less a very nice experience. I'm a huge fan of the stingrays and jellyfish. They move with such grace it is hard to not stare until my eyes dry out, hard to not appreciate. This place though had only two small (but beautiful) jellyfish exhibits and one rather small petting pool for the stingrays so I think that’s the only real disappointment with the aquarium. The nicest thing though was a long hallway of fish tank action where their was a seating area. I sat there watching the fish and listening to my mp3 player. People passing by taking pictures, children pointing and shouting, lights dancing across the tops of the fish and the rocks in the exhibit. It was for the most part a serene half-hour. If it had been jellies or rays though I would have never gotten up. =P After that I decided to swing by the beach which is only down the road. It was crowded and bustling with activity while the cloud overhead loomed and boomed every now and again. The smell of salt air mixing with the boardwalk upwind. As the sun started to drop I got hungry and headed home for the night.

Friday I woke up with big plans that never really developed. I was going to go across the river near Jamestown where I was told a beach existed. This beach, I was told, had an odd amount of teeth and bones on it and people regularly found things over there. In my mind it seemed like a photography goldmine, but upon examination I didn't really know how to get there and it would require a good bit of effort. So instead I took a long drive and a walk around the resort just to enjoy the day. Towards the end I simply soaked up that vacation feeling while watching the cable TV that I have been without. I bet many people would think that TV is a waste of vacation time, but try giving it up almost entirely for a year of two and then tell me its not a treat to have it on vacation. ;)

Saturday I woke up early and packed up the car, hit the checkout by 10:30 and was on the road right after. Again, making use of a good road trip and a beautiful day. When I got home I unpacked and started working through the pictures, poems, and thoughts that I had accumulated while in Virginia. Not to mention the replies and conversations that had been left hanging for the week which needed/still need attention. Throughout the week I spent time writing and drawing, but not reading as hoped. To be honest the cool shows that were on won out over the books that could come home with me (not to surprising or disappointing) and the vacation proved to be both inspiring and informative for me. Most ways I couldn't speak of, or at least will choose not to.

Knowing how long this post is I am listing only a few images below. If you want to see the rest please click on the "Blue404" link on the links menu on the right. Their are many more there. Just click on one to get a popup of the larger version.