Momentary Blessings

Seeing as it's almost christmas I thought this was in some way appropriate. I was at the laundrymat just last night and I saw a young woman drive up in a new station wagon. Yes, I was sitting in my car and yes I know it was only 30 degrees outside. I'm a weirdo. Anyway, the car stopped and the backdoor/trunk opened. Their was movement in the car but the light wasn't on so I couldn't see what was happening. Then a wheel chair dropped out the back and opened up followed soon after by its owner. The young woman was an amputee. I just sat and watched while she muscled her way out of the car and into the chair and then closed the door. I wondered why the driver hadn't helped her get out while I watched her roll up to the dollar store. Thinking that I should have hopped out and helped her around. Then I realized their was no driver. It had just been her. After a while she came out of the store and rolled up to the back of the car. Opened the door and slid in. Folded up the chair and pulled it into the car. She closed the door behind her and made her way to the drivers seat. The car started up and off it went.

Sitting there in the dark parking lot I felt foolish for thinking that she needed help. I also felt foolish for not trying to help before I understoood that she was ok without me, which had a confusing effect when the two were combined. When the confusion passed I felt a sense of pride for her. I was proud that she had been strong and capable enough to come out alone on a night that was to bring much bad weather simply to pick up something at the dollar store. That she was able to have a life so ordinary and yet not. That she was handed lemons at some point and made some darn fine lemonade. And that this night she puts so many to shame with her life and the descisions she made to make it work.

Year round we have choices and these choices, like it or not, shape our days to come. We can chose to sit on the couch or go paint a picture. We can chose to donate food or chose to build more of a savings for ourselves. We can learn to overcome the problems that suround us or we can submit to them. Maybe I made to much out of this womans evening adventure, but I think their's much to be said for someones example of making good choices or facing hard times without giving up. It couldn't have been easy for her. In reality it is easy for very few.

So, here's to good lemonade and those try make it. (^_^)

Narnia...

Wow, what a movie. I went to see this on Saturday and it was a packed house. I'm glad it was.

If you have been paying attention to the hollywood news you've no doubt hear about the small controversy that has followed "The Lion the Witch and the Wardrob" book. How CS Lewis was an active Christian when he wrote the childrens book and how the story contains Christian ideas and easily can be related to biblical scenes or theology. It seems, to me at least, that the only real controversy is that people who are not Christians are taken aback by the surge of Christian voices and interest in the movie. Those who read it without knowledge of the Christian under/over tones were not angry when they read it years ago, but when someone claims to see corelation between characters and terms and scenes that cling to religious organizations or practices then it is a problem.

Having seen the cartoon movie as a child I saw no relation between the scripture and the movie. Things are very different now though. Having seen the new movie I would not be able to deny that CS Lewis was heavily influenced in his writing of the book. The story has so many links to our faith that at times I was as choked up over the movie as I was watching "The Passion".

(Warning: Spoiler to follow for those who didn't read the book or see the cartoon already.)

One scene for instance that was overflowing with not-so-hidden links to scripture is the sacrifice and resurection of the mysterious King of Narnia. To save "the son of Adam" this king must sacrifice himself to the "White witch". He is blameless in his offenses and is killed on an alter in place of the boy. "The daughters of Eve" sit by his side throughout the night and when they start to leave the earth shakes, the alter is broken in two, and the body is gone. Then the 2 daughters of Eve see in the riseing sun light that he has arisen and explain a little story about why which also is full of refferences to our faith. They then move to bring life to the fallen and victory over the White witch and her evil army.

Ok, now I understand how people can look at the same thing and see it differently, but this is not the case. Like it or not the connection and interpretation of Christian biblical foundations are far too strong in this scene alone to say it's simply what I want to see and nothing more.

We have in it (Aslan) The Lion of Juda against (The white witch) Lucifer, once the most beautiful and radiant of God angels. The Witch going against a prophecy that her death and ruin was foretold in. We also have the sons of adam and the daughters of eve as obvious references, but we have them also as stewards of the land and in need of a stronger guidance and support. We have the selfless sacrifice of the lion king for mankind and the resurection and salvation he brings. We have a similairty in the breaking of the alter to the tearing of the curtain and we have in the two daughters of Eve waiting, weaping, and being at the tomb a portrait of Mary and Mary at the tomb. This is a 10-15 minute scene in a 2 hour movie.

All in all the movie is a great story and was done in amazing fashion regardless of its "hidden" story. I would recommend it.

Chess...

...is just so often an applicable metaphore for life don't you think?

"Song of a Soldier"

I am a pawn;
moving to the war song.

My enemy stands before me;
my foe is mighty and fierce.

In his eyes I see my own;
full of courage and dispair.

How have we earned this frightful moment;
not born of our own ambitions.

I shall not waver in my soul;
their is no room for leniance.

My King gives call and His soldiers surge out;
no one will stand against.

Though I will fall;
it will not be alone.

For in dead fields we do battle;
untill the King give the sign.

For I am a pawn;
swaying to my Kindom's song.

It's supposed to be a happy poem, though it doesn't read like one. (^_^) I've been dealing lately with various persons and topics which place me in a position to relate to the pawn. I would rather be a knight I think. I would rather be a Bishop or a Rook even, but those are not for me. In truth I should be happy to be a pawn for my King. Someone seen fit to be placed in a pawns shoes should be thought capable enough in His kings eyes to be there at all. So full of fear and trust we march as pawns. Being placed where the King would have us so that we could be used for His glory and victory.

Just passing by...

Hello! No I didn't forget about this place. I have just been so very busy over at deviant art. I have done a few more wallpapers and created a second account to put my photography in, which I have been doing a lot of lately. It's taking a while to figure out how to get the pictures I want but when I do it's like throwing gass on the fire. Last Satudray my living room looked like a poormans photo-studio with lights and stuff everywhere. So anyhow, I have lots to talk about but untill then I wanted to post up some pictures to look at. Just click on the images and a larger version will pop up. Their are plenty more and newer ones at the main account HERE

And away we go!

Yay! Today is a good day. Today it finally dawned on me that I am coming back to center within myself again. To me the term back to center is a way of saying I ma not overwhelmed or lacking in any particular department. When I am centered I tend to be more observant and quick to giggle. I tend to reflect more about things and my desire to learn or grow is greatly increased. It would be nice to turn my OSnap on and walk away if you know what I mean so I stay this way. (It's a CAD joke...center, hehe.) The right mentality and emotional state is so very important you know....of course you do. The issue is, if anything, I don't know where to start. Hopefully it lasts long enough to get some things accomplished this time. I have so much I want to try and learn that I am excited about I can't sleep sometimes. The blogs are backing up in the little "bloggies.txt" file I keep my thoughts in and the dA site is basically in the same shape.

Speaking of shape, I went to the GYM twice this week and I am loving it. It's so comfortable and theirs always equipment open. I figure the plan will be to spend a few months just getting my heart and overall stamina back in shape and then maybe after that I'll shift to the weights also. Gettign bulky is not nearly as important as being healthy but it would be nice to look good again as well. (Personall opinion)

I finally got to write back to Pam this week and will send it on Monday. Tomorrow I want to take a picture of myself that doesn't look terrible and drop it on a nice background picture from somewhere. Also, I would like to draw something for her this weekend. Not like the dA stuff but more like I used to do when I was a kid. It probably won't work as I haven't exerrcised those muscles in a decade, but I suppose it's worth a shot. Something Christmasy would be nice as it will get to her around that time.

Um...yup. Catch you all later.

Oh boy, this can't be good

So it seems that this Pastor of a United Methodist Church has made the bold move of denying a person who wanted to become part of the church becasue the person was Gay and had no intention of changing. The story continues that the associate Pastor dissaproved of the act and called for backup. The Pastor was then relieved of his duties as repremand for his actions.

Personally, I don't see how any man can turn away a person who is seeking Christ and salvation. I understand that it is not a simple matter and I will address that as needed, but no man/woman who comes to the church is coming without a chip on thier shoulder so to speak. Most who come don't even realize they are up to their waist in sins and so may not be fully capable of repentance of their sins on the spot to gain acceptance into a church. Irregardless of that matter, no Pastor has eyes that can see a persons soul (or honest intentions) and even if they did no Pastor has the authority under God to deny membership to the Gods church (or salvation). If that is anyones job it is His job and should be left to Him.

Beyond that I don't really get where the Pastor is coming from. Not in that he dissaporves of homosexuality but that he thought that by denying the man to be part of the church he was effectively closing him out of Gods plan. (Even if he didn't think that it would look as such to th enon-believing populace and the gay community.) Being a member of church and attending it is important, yes, but the church is the body of believers not the gathering of believers in a building or the building itself. This man, who is already a Christian and was transfering from a different church, was not removeing the gay man from the body of believers with his actions nor could he have hoped to. I understand that perhaps the Pastor was trying to avoid having to deal with the accusations of being to soft in his ideals, but he may have made a greater error in his efforts on this one. Another simple log on a complexe fire.

Don't missunderstand where I am coming from. I do believe homosexuallity to be a sin much in the same fashion as pornography or adultery are sins and it is important for a believer to face their sins in repentance, at least to accept salvation with the understanding that they are in sin and then face it,if not immediatly, over time. Once a person goes to God for salvation He begins to work on them and...well lets be honest some of us aren't quick to addmit defeat or accept change. As such it is important for the person to know they are doing wrong but not to disclude them from the church or to attack them with their sins. Most of us who come to the church are not assulted despite the baggage we carry in. Why be so spiritually brutal in this case? Maybe I'm wrong here, but I doubt the man didn't know what he was doing in his sex life was against Gods decrees. At that point his fight is between him and God despite our interests in the matter or our interests in public opinion.

Ok, I'll stop droneing on.

Contrasting Comparisons

Recently the topic of reincarnation and resurection came up in another blog that I like to visit some times. In addition I had recently watched a horror flick which included the spiritual system of reincarnation. Also, I remember having had it come up in conversations prior to these events. So anyway, I though about things and here is what I came up with concerning the question/statement...for now.

"Aren't reincarnation supported in scripture? They both deal with rebirth. Aren't they the same? Can't they be used to link the two ancient "religions"?"

Their are only two types of instances in scripture where reincarnation might have been applicable. The first being in reference to being reborn of the Holy Spirit. The second being instances of resurections such as Lazarus, Jesus, or the kid that fell asleep and then fell out of the window, I can't remember which story that was. Possibly even certain verses in Revelations in regards to resurection could be used to attempt a match between the two concepts.

In John 3:3-6 it says, "In reply Jesus declared, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born from above." "How can a man be born when he is old?" Nicodemus asked. "Surely he cannot enter a second time into his mother's womb to be born!" Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit."

To be "reborn" in a scripture sense is to be reborn of the spirit not of the body. Specifically the Holy Spirit which is God comes to live with and within us. Our old "dirty" spirits are then essentially owned (and over time cleaned up and operated by) the Holy Spirit. Giving us a new life and one that is closer to God. The initial rebirth (including salvation) is instantainous while the change itself can be rather slow. The requirement stated is that one must be reborn of the Spirit not of his/her own spirit and not of flesh in any sense.

Now, as for the issue of the resurrection the difference would be, essentially, that reincarnation dictates that you will basically be recycled according to your life and then set back in place in a new form/body while resurection states that you will not come back as another person or thing on earth. That you are, upon death, to be passed to the next state of life which is for all intent and purpose the last one. In this instance the definition of the two concepts alone should be enough to seperate the them so I haven't provided scripture. If I have missed something or have not been thorough enough please say so. I just didn't want to get another uber long post like the one a few days ago.

(I'd like to be more versed in larger spiritual ideas like karma verses salvation and though I could just take a crack at it I don't feel ready to do so with any accuracy. Some other time.)

Generalized Conclusions

So recently I have had a couple conversations where the concept of every "religion" (or ancient faith system) is the same or equally reliable. Generally we deny such a claim before we think about why, which is not to say that we are wrong to do so. So I spent a little time thinking about the subject and how to deal with it all. It is true that their are widespread records of events like the flood. It is true their are similarities between names and even spiritual rule sets in some cases (but the deeper you look the less they match). I think people have a tendency to see a similarity and either immediatly take it as if it were a dead on match or they reject it outright from fear. That's really not the way to do it, IMO, as it helps no body in terms of clarity.

Anyway, after thinking about it for a while it all seemed to boil down to about three very basic options, maybe four, as to why things in different faiths overlap at times.

A. Satan has had his hands deep in the spiritual lives of those not of the chosen people and all those who have chosen to step away from Gods original design. (True and can be diagramed)

B. Many if not most of these ancient religions have been created by the same God but on different terms for the different peoples. Different teachings mixed with similarities. Different events, visions, and prophecies which all lead to the same God. (False and can be defended)

C. That the reason for the similarities is that all people came from one line and one God originaly so each time a group divides away from the main they take with them essentially the same history. Likewise they would all be effected by things such as the Flood and would consequently have some form of record of them. (Likely considering the history of the world)

*D. This is the holding pen for those ancient religions which do not share any real link to the main topic. Those which worship nature, self, incarnate deities, or other worldly entities. These are sort of out of the discussion as they were never really in the discussion. (N/A)

In the end, each ancient faith and event must be excruciatingly scrutinized over for accuracy and intent before drawing conclusions and the truth of the matter is their are very few of us who are truly capable of this task. Whether because of a lack of accurate resources or natural ability. None the less if we, the normal folk, are to develop our own opinion on a topic like this we need to invest some time in understanding the other faiths as well as how to discern truth from fiction. Not an easy task on either account.

Emotional Waters

I just got done watching a documentary styled movie called "What the Bleep do we know" which was predominantly focused on Metaphysics...(Specifically, Quantum Physics with a touch of the easier to swallow neuro physics)...but I actually rented it because of the cover statement "Science and spirituallity come together in this mind bending trip down the rabbit hole". When I see statements like these I have to make an effort to keep my gaurd down and allow myself to be hopefull. It's important to lend an ear and to know what their is to know, but so very often the science approach to the spiritual is an abomination. A constantly changing mutation of what they can handle and of what they desire.

Now, you could state that organized religions do the same. Such as that they appease their followers but you would be very wrong in that statement. Most demand change or some type of betterment which is not easy and often not fun wether you do it because you should or because you want to. You could also say that Christianity itself has been mutated into so many varieties over the years and in all honesty you would be correct, but the mutations all stem from a core belief which is the one to follow and compare to. A claim which a science approach has no ability to make. At any rate reading a tagline like the one on the cover leads a person in my shoes to the almost certain conclusion that they will make interesting claims within the science realms and then follow it up with damaging claims of the spiritual world.

My defenses aside their were several parts of this movie which I wanted to talk about. Some were good and some were bad. As follows...

Good Things:
1.They made a good presentation on the field of neurophysics and it's applications in life. Though the songs and animations got hokey for a while they really hit the nail on the head with how people go about their lives both in and out of emotional boxes. They also made a good point as to what addiction is and how it works. If thier is a field of physics out their that is destined to change lives I hope it's this one. It was by far the most important, accurate, and usefull part of the movie.

2.They made several very interesting statements on the ideas and implications of quantumphysics. Some were very cool and a bit surprising to hear. Such as the existance of material in two places at one time which is something they have already achieved in several american laboratories. Things that truly defy what we believe is possible. Things I can't properly explain with the vauge memory I have of what I was told during the film.

3.One of the neatest things that was on the show, and one of the ways the scienists tried to tie into spirituality, was the Japanese scientists (Dr. Masaru Emoto) experiments on water. He, essentially, put water in a series of bottles and labeled the bottles things like "get sick and die", "love", and "thank you" and then left them outside over night in the cold. The next day he photographed them in their crystalized form and they were all amazingly different. Not just a little different or randomly different. They had changed to resemble the labels in that the negative ones were discolored nasty looking whil the positive ones were quite clear and beautiful. Each different than the next and all done, apparently, by the labeling of words and the feeling they held. I did not do extra research on it, but it would be neat to do so some time.

4.Something I thought was interesting, perhaps in its simplicity, was the definition of spirituality which a scientist presented in the film. He was not talking of God or religion but about that intangeble thing we feel but can hardly understand. Some people just live with it as is while others direct it towards nature or new age philosophies. Still others aim it towards organized religions. In every case though it stems from a base feeling. In the film the man says something to the effect of it's the feeling of connectivity to something greater than ourselves which seems to hold true in my experiance. Before my days as a believer and follower I was always connected to something more and still am. It was almost tangeble to me but I never knew what to do with it exactly so I just spread it out over many things untill He came and gathered me up. I still hear many saying "I'm not religous but I am spiritual" and I know what they mean when they say this. I felt that way as well once, maybe you did too. So I thought that this definition, though simple, was quite accurate.

Bad Things:
Besides giving slight credibility (being that these are scientists and people tend to believe what they are told by those perceved as smarted/wiser) to the abstract ideology of customiable spirituality, the idea that it is whatever you want it to be, and the overall feeling of the movie which brought my mind to the mess which is scientology this movie was an interesting pick. I did learn some things but I am sorry to say that the tagline does not live up to its expectations. Even the professor of theology, the only non-science person in the film had nothing to offer in way of connecting or describing how sicence and spiritual are connected. In fact he was possibly the most devistating to cause. Him and one woman really got me riled up, she would make statements that were uterly rediculous concerning spirituality backed with nothing but her own determination and then in the next scene speak intellegently about science which she was able to back and explain properly. It's these moments where people who are searching will put their trust in those who don't deserve it. I could write an entire series on correcting her statements but their would be no point and so I'll leave it at that or this already long post will explode.

Moral of the story...I need to break posts like these into smaller pieces, sorry. ^_^

Eeeeek!

Tonight I went to "Field of Screams" with a group of friends. It consisted of a hay ride, a scary barn, and a scary 3D building. If that doesn't sound scary to you then I explained it accuratly enough. But, it was fun because of the company. Good company can do that.

We met up at Mascots house after work and had pizza, which I shouldn't have eaten, and then split into two cars to drive to Lancaster where the event was being held. We had gotten the VIP tickets so we wouldn't have to stand in line in 40 degree temperatures all night and wow it was worth it.

We started out in the "Den of Darkness" which was the best of the three. It was put together well considering how hokey these things usualy are. If any of them made me a bit scared it was this one. Their was a spot when you basically had to crawl in the dark through a, seemingly,narrow attic crawlspace. For those of you who don't know I am a touch claustraphobic and so I silently had a small panic attack at first. Thankfully reason and logic came back to me and I followed the group through the darkness clinging to the shirt of the person in front of me. The cling technique is one which we all imploied(sp?) in that building. This was also the place where I had a geek bonding moment. In a room we had to walk through a man with a chainsaw (minus the blades) and a girl who was made up to look like she had been cut in half rather messily stoped what they were doing to say, "nice hat." I was of course representing all of geekdom with my blue and white wool beenie with "geek" written on it. They were all like "me too" and stuff. It was a cool moment even though I reacted like a geek would. =P

After that we went straight to the "haunted hay ride" which proved to be entertaining and even relaxing. Entertaining because, as hay rides go, this was well done with little skits and props and surprises as well as really cool scenery and relaxing becasue they would play the different theme musics to horror movies as we moved into different areas. These theme songs (instrumental) are actually quite soothing and beautiful when seperated from their video counterparts. The crisp night air, the beautiful night sky, and the gentle rocking of the wagon thing realy, if only momentarily, took me away from the ongoing event.

After that was over we went on to the last part which was the scary 3D building, I forget its name. Over all it had its moments but was a forgetable experiance. The 3D glasses fogged up the entire time, ruining their effectivity, and the place was so well lit that when you took them off to see you could then see everything. Nothing was a surprise at that point. I mean their were a few neat effects in a couple rooms but basically it was a flop.

That was it really. We got some hot chocolate and left for home were we watched "high tension", one of the goriest but good movies I have seen in some time. It's also one which I'd like to talk about for a bit but not now. So the night was a good one you would think, but wait! Remember that pizza that I "shouldn't" have eaten? Yea, that was a real mood killer. I guess the experiance got the better of my nerves because my stomach was non-to pleased with me and from the point of arrival at the field of screams I had to go to the bathroom. I know why it happened and it had nothing to do with bad pizza or scary places, but I doubt you want to hear about this part of the evening so I'll let it go.

Was still a good night all things considered...

Overlap

Lately I have spent a good amount of time on Wallpapers over at dA and I don't know how many of you go over their to see my stuff so I thought it would be good to post some stuff here as well. Below are thumbnails of some wallpapers with the comments I posted. If you click on the thumbnail it will open a full version.

This is something that I have been feeling lately. Surrounded, exhausted, and frustrated...but unwilling to give up. The verses help explain some, but as with us all the exact reasons are more personal (though I'm fairly sure many of you could sympathize). Anyway, this is also the first time I tried using a raster editor as well as the vector stuffs. Unfortunatly I don't have uber skillz in Photoshop so I had to use Corel Photopaint which I learned at work. (sigh)




This is a vector-by-memory of a cloud I once saw. At the time it was the only cloud in the sky and it was a little one at that. The strange and unique thing about it was that even though their had been no rain for days this cloud seemed to be carrying a rainbow inside of it. I know that doesn't make sense but that's what it was doing. Wish I had my camera at the time...



Here is another wall from an image that I had slated for use from a Deviant Model. Kayleigh posts up rather breathtaking photos of herself and has a gallery packed full of them. Good style, IMO.




This started out as something completely different and ended up becoming a scrap pile of things left over from other Walls. The ramp is one that I use 5 or more days a week. Bleh.





This is part one of a two series set...the second is soon to follow and is a bit more up beat.




Part two of the series. In the end they didn't come out much like I had hoped but it still passes the motive and concept of the work.





This is one of four wallpapers with the same theme, one which I love. I originally wanted to put the man outside of the hourglass as if he had been in the bottom of it and managed to break out of it. With the sand spilling onto him as he sat there holding his head. Their were a few other ideas that came up but this is what I'll end it will. Enjoy.

Stalling Out

Sometimes I am so happy about being energetically unstable, but not this time. This time I would rather go home and be ready to do things which are waiting for me, fun stuff. Maybe energetically unstable isn't the best way to say it. Whatever, the point is I've been sleeping alot lately. Even when I get plenty of rest I just want to put on a nice CD/DVD and lay on the couch for a few hours (napping). It's not that I even feel better afterwards. I just want to close my eyes and drift off to sleep. Of course then I can't sleep at night and end up getting a total of eight hours anyway. Messes up my sleeping schedule and creates an ugly cycle.

Their have been times in the past when I would hit the couch because I was having trouble dealing with life in some way or if I was super bored. Some people drink, some get very social, and some dive into a hobby, but I tend to power down. Even so this is not one of those times. Life is good right now all things considered. Not lacking in things to do that is for sure and their are no obvious pressures weighing me down. So, unless this is diet/excersise related I'll chalk it up to a rut again. If you've read my "Some mood music?" post a while back know that I go through phases regarding music. The same can be said for many things. Change is a constant. When in regards to either energy or motivation though I call the phases "ruts" and just try to get through it. A rut will usually hit me once every six to twelve months and can last up to a month on its own. I don't know of a way around it.

I might think it were some form of depression but generally speaking I'm not known to be emotionally/chemically unstable. However, I am known to be lazy at times. Nah, being lazy once and a while is one thing, but being lazy for a month at a time is something else.

Still, it's good that I am going back to the GYM tonight and that I got a ton of sleep yesterday. Now, if I would just start eating better...

Feel the burn?

Wow, I finally got to the GYM tonight. Good thing too, I've reached the early stages of falling apart. My easy upkeep physique is not so easy now. I had been meaning to go sooner but to be honest was lacking in both will and courage. Will in the lack of motivation to do something so exertive even though it was needed. Courage in that I am not someone who tries new things/places with ease. It's a social problem I believe. Anyway, I loved it. All I did was use the stationary bike for an hour but man am I exhausted. In fact I may just sleep right here in front of the compy tonight. Somebody get a fork, my legs are done.

Though it's expensive I'd like to get a membership there. Since I don't have TV, I need to work out, and this plan solves both of those problems it would seem like a good idea at least a couple times a week. If I don't pay for the monthly membership it's gonna cost me 10 to 20 a week which is about what the membership would be anyway. I really liked the setup in there and the fact that they are open 24 hours Monday through Thursday. Works for me cause I like to go after 9 and I won't be getting out of work untill 7:30 on most nights anyway.

A GYM membership should help me get back into shape quicker than what I have here at home. I mean I like to hit the weight bag every week along with jump rope, pullups, an abe cruchy thinger, arnis training, and the usual non-equipment things but even when I get in the mood to do those things I am not breaking much of a sweat. The only thing that I can do sustained to the point of a good workout it seems is the weight bag and I usually bust my hand or pull a muscle before I can get 15 minutes in. Everything else I have trouble with. The jump rope messes with my inner ear problem and I get dizzy. The Abe cruncher thing gives me indegestion half the time. Sheesh.

Anyway, I'm happy that the first night is done. The second will then be as easy as the hundredth. I think I'm gonna go sit in front of the fireplace for a few minutes and listen to the crackle before bed. G'night all.

Jack...is...Back

Here we go again. Good old Jack Thompson is offering to pay 10k to any charity if someone will make a video game of his design. For those of you who don't know Jack is an attorney who makes his fame by telling the uneducated what he believes is happening to the youth of today because of video games. He has a habit of making very uneducated statements and in this move, absent-mindedly mocking his own agenda a bit. "Way to go Jack!" Sadly I don't think he even understands this or at least he didn't at the time. Thankfully, even those who are against gaming violence (ie, NIMF) have abandoned Mr. Thompson after this proposal.

The proposal being that Jack will give the game company "Take Two" 10k towards any charity of his chossing when someone develops a game for him that he designed himself. And this is where it becomes just silliness. A.) A game these days costs more than nothing (six figures easily) to make and the only money mentioned was the charity money. Obviously this is not as much about getting the game made as mouch as making another scandal, but we already knew that. B.) In the game a father whos son was killed (by men who were trained to kill by playing games) goes on a rampage against gamers. Killing his way to the "Take This" game company where he kills the owner and her family. Then the man continues his rampage across country hitting game related places and murdering eveything in site. A bit violent for a non-violent activist don't you think?

I'm sure we've all met people at some point who seemed to have a need to defy logic itself with their own agendas or ideals. (I can think of one who embodies it for my own life to date.) People who, if they would just take time and think outside their own boxes, might see a successful run or two. For example, Jack decided to burn every bridge he could find when what his cause needs is bridges. He has taken shots at the very game desginer that he is trying to get to acomplish these changes. He has attacked the gamers as a whole. wow. In this day and age (and society) I can't think of many I'd want to anger less than the technical youth. Half of these "kids" could dismantle his livelyhood in a matter of days, if they wished. The point being that at every turn the man determines to do the least effective thing. Creating little by little a scar over the issue of video game violence. By the time this guy's done their may be no chance for change in the gameing world not to mention their may not be anyone willing to step up to the challenge following his act.

Not that the man doesn't have a point. Video games can be ultra violent and surprisingly instructive to the watchfull eye. To make matters worse kids are all too capable these days of getting what they want. Including their choice of video games. But you simply can not go about this the wrong way. When dealing with kids whose average IQs are better than your own, precision is required. If Jack would just take the time to research and grasp the situation it would be a wonderfull thing or at least potentially. But then that's not why he's doing it all now is it? He seems to be more interested in fame than accuracy. More interested in making noise than saying anything of worth. I'd be laughing...if it were a joke.

Intelligent Design

So, we have been hearing a lot about this stuff over the past several years if not more. We saw how some loudmouths who claimed to be fighting for freedoms manage to censor religious rights and even certain social foundations based in religion within this country. Amazing that these people have survived for so long being as thick headed and ignorant as they are, but that could be said of soem on both sides I suppose. Another post, another time.

I assume we have all heard about the Intelligent Design contraversy if only in context to the school system. Intelligent Design (ID) being a philosophy/movement to reintroduce God into a society that has become eager to have Him removed. Or another interpretation (science-wise) would be the science of detecting design in the world that goes beyond human design. Attempting to play against Evolutionists and Naturalists on their own playing field.

Of course these opponents aren't to happy about it for the most part. Making claims that, at a glance, seem a bit stupid. They have claimed that it is simply an attack on science, which I have never heard someone say or support in my 26 years. Biblicaly I have never found support for religion to denounce science unless certain values and priniciples are at stake. They also say that it doesn't fit the true or legal deffinitions of science or scientific theory. In all honestly it only meets a scarce few of these requirements but is it really trying to be a science?. (On a side note the requirements for something to be "scientific" are simply hilarious, not difficult just absurd.) According to Phillip Johnson, creator of the Wedge Strategy and aparent head of ID, this is simply a way of repackaging creation by God (not creationism which is very broad) to help bring it back into schools as well as the scientific community. It has never really been about science more than philosophy.

Personaly, I don't know exactly what to think about it yet. You would think that I would be quick to get behind it and don't get me wrong I am behind it, but it isn't a simple topic. Their are so many angles that people are coming in on this one. Politically, Socially, Religiously, and of course Scientifically if not others. So much to factor in and so many chances to be had. So many opinions and so many processes. Sheesh. But if it can manage to accomplish the two goals it has set forth than more power to it. They never taught Evolution as origin in my high school but we did have the theory of evolution in biology. I think any place that teaches Evolution (or any of its sister theories) should also offer something along the lines of ID. I wouldn't mind at all if they managed to make a science out of it either. It would be a sience of looking for Gods fingerprints more than proving His existence but I imagine that their will never be such a thing as that at least not in the scientific community.

Their is so much to read behind this Intelligent Design controversy that I honestly gave up for now so I could go back to other things, but it will very likely be a long fight. Something that will have me both smiling and shaking my head in the future.

A Fable...

Oh, what a game. This is a jem as far as I'm conserned. I'm so happy with it that I thought I'd post about it. We all know how impressed I was with BF2 and why, but this game is a wholy different matter. Remenicent of the Neverwinter days.

In the game you start out as a child who looses everything to a raid on his town. In the wake of this raid you are found by a man from the Hero's Guild. The hero's guild being a place in this world that gathers those with special talents and strong wills. Over the years your character grows up in front of you while honeing his talents and learning the ropes. Eventually you are of an age where they can't do much for you so you go out into the world. Which is pretty large considering the many continents in the game. You can run around sight seeing or take different quests which result in experience, money, and reputation. Over time both experience and reputation points get applied to your character. Reputation points go to how others perceive and react towards you. A reputation for doing good things makes people friendly and excited around you while a rep for doing bad things makes people mouthy and even run away. Pretty neat. The experiance points, gained through fighting and completeing quests, get applied to you characters abilities. The game allows you to build up the character in three basic ways with several sub-sections to each. Strength, Skill, and Will. Will being the substitute for magic in the game. Over time the more you enhance your abiities in strength the more your character shows the change. In the begining you are a scrawny kid but by the midpoint you are like a pro wrestler. Each way you develop the guy will start to show off over time.

Another neat thing is that the world in-game is consistant and ever moving, just like ours. Or pretty close for a game. It keeps track of time and must have a ton of scripts running just for it. For instance I came to a town one time but it was night time so all the shops were closed, which is what I had come to do. Normally, you can go to the local tavern/inn and grab a few hours sleep for a price to spend the time untill morning, but this time the beds were all taken. So I found a nice spot and stood there watching the sun come up, literaly. I watched it move up over the mountains and then across the sky as the patroling gaurds stopped at their street lamps and put them out. The sky changed all the colors of a real sunrise or sunset. It was an strange feeling and pretty neat too. As I looked around town the doors to the shops started to open up one at a time and a man or woman would say they were now open for business or greet the patroling gaurdsmen. The same thing happens in the evening. Everyting shuts down slowly. Street lamps are lit, children are called home for the evening, and people start to close shops or homes.

I even bought a couple of houses and renovated them. Nice places in nice towns. At the moment they are rented out to two families of those towns but I can kick them out if my character ever decides to get hitched. Currently their are a ton of AI ladies that want to get married and I even have a wedding ring in my pocket but I don't have time to tend to a lady while on so many quests. I hear if I don't keep up relations she'll get angry and divorce me so I can't do the husband thing any more than take the office of mayor which was offered to me earlier. Wild stuff.

These types of game are rare in that they meet so many needs and wants within the genre of RPG/Adventure games. All of this is not necessarily new to the gaming world I think, but it is neat to see such a reactionary game. Not one that is fixed and rigid or one that is solely focused on the main plot. This kind of game manages to include all aspects of gaming within its genre. The wanderer, the roleplayer, the random guy, the casual gamer, the focused main plot guy, the powergamer, etc. Everyone can find something in this game.

Well, it's not all good actually. The game is not all that stable and tends to crash out every couple hours. On occasion it dosen't start up on the first try either. Oh, and I had to reformat to get it to install correctly. Minor problems. (^_^)

A Whirlwind Call

Yikes! What happened here? If it weren't for the money I'd have to say it's time to quit my jobs. If I were independantly wealthy I mean. Today I was offered, though tenatively, the position of youth director...I think...at a local church that I have never been to. Ok, settle down Dan. =P

Sorry, I am a bit wound up rigth now. See, a few weeks back my Mother told me a story about a church that her friend goes to. In this church their was, to my knowledge, a young man who was very active and able in leading others to Christ and his church. He had gathered up quite a few young people there when he passed away. In his passing, again to my knowledge, their was something of a void in the youth of that church. Since then people have been trying to get things back on track, but are having a small amount of trouble with these youth as far as keeping them focused and interested. So somehow my name finds its way in to a conversation and I hear that they might want me to speak to the youth. About my exsperiances or maybe something else. Then today I call and talk to this womans husband. A very good man I believe who has put forth a great deal of effort in the wake of the troubles. He is a good example of a spiritually mature(ing) man, if a single conversation can elicit such an observation. I was however blown away with the opportunities that were presenting themselves. I even felt bad in a way for turning down the position of part time youth director, but I very much want to help in some fashion. (Not because I want to be involved in youth ministries, in fact I was avoiding that. I just love that opportunities to serve in bigger and bigger ways are popping up. Seek and you shall find.) So I am sitting down to gather ideas to speak on and my mind is racing with topics and applications. Pertinent info to speak on which will form bonds and hopefully provide some type of insite. Or so I hope. Again it will ultimatly be left to Him. As it should be.

Side note:
Born again. That was one of the things the man on the other line asked me right away. That was the only thing that threw me off the entire (wonderfull) conversation. Am I? Yes, but by definition a born again is one who has been born of the flesh (already dieing) nad then born of the Holy Spirit (in faith and by grace). So then any real Christian, anyone touched by salvation through Christ, is a born again. Essentially then all christians are born again. Having thought that out, though maybe I missed the point, I wonder why people say that? It is very possible that he did not see a difference in saying christian and born again. Maybe I'm the only one who is trying to continue a distinction. Very possible. In the past I have heard others, saved and un-saved, make a clear distinction between the average christian and born again christians. I don't see a reason and I guess they didn't have one. Sometimes people just do things and think things without reason. Like me trying to figure out why someone would try to use a word in a way that he probably didn't even intend. The man probably saw no difference in the two words. My history has done this to me in the past. Things I'm used to hearing still haunt me even though they don't apply now. Anyway, this was just a thought I had to follow through. Don't mind me.

Diamonds or Pearls

Every year (or maybe less) their is an email sent around work. It's one that I am suprised people still send around but I like to get it, fill it out, and send it back out. It's one of those "get to know your friends" emails. Where a set of maybe 25-30 questions are to be answered and then you send it out to everyone who might want it so they can read your answers. The person who gets it from you then clears your answers, fills in their own, and sends it out again. Much nicer than those chain emails that often contain pleasant messages, but always end with an obnoxious statement like "forward this to 10 people in the next 5 minutes and something great will happen to you" or "you have to forward this! don't be a jerk and let this stop with you." Can't stand those regardless of the contents.

Sorry, off topic a bit. So one of the questions this time was "Diamonds or Pearls?" Keep in mind I have a tendancy to try to hard and think to much about my answers. My mind didn't wander to which is prettier, harder to find, or which I have a liking to. Instead I thought solely on the creation process of the two and how they relate to our lives. Keep in mind I am pulling this info from memory which may be a bit off...

Diamonds are essetially just carbon atoms in coal or lead or some other minereal base that have been heated and pressureized for a while. A long while. Until the bonds of the carbon are rediculously strong and dense. Aside from some lazer cutting and polish the diamond is ready to go. So the diamond is like the person who through time, great pressure, and high temperatures will grow to be strong and of high quality. A person who perserveres through such hardships and troubles would become a highly effective tool. Or simply a gem among gems. They would be a sight to behold and something to be admired.

Pearls are basicaly a coated piece of sand or other debrise that got stuck in an oyster, clam, or mussels shell. The creature, unable to find a toothpick, slowly covers the foriegn element with a liquid of some kind. Over time the coatings round out and aside from some spit shining create a full pearl. The pearl is like the person who was unable to rid themselves of a specific trouble and through the years and the pain managed to survive. Turning the pain into something good. Something that could not have been gained without such hardships. Something of great value within themselves.

It would be a hard life wouldn't it? Being one of these people. Having a lifetime of struggle to stay above water or a lifetime with a single thorn in your side. Even more so it would be difficult to turn these problems into a thing of beauty. Many pearls are made spotted and many diamonds are made cloudy. It isn't easy, but it is impressive and worth our appreciation. Do you know someone who lives under a great weight or with a thorn always in their side? Have you ever said they would be better off without it? If so, do you still think they would be better off without it? Hard to say considering it is not a 100 % success rate among clams, right. I tend to think so, but I suppose their are always exceptions.

In the end I think I wrote that I didn't care much for either, which isn't really a good answer to the question. But I didn't think that was the place to ramble about my thoughts on the two choices. This is the place for oddball ideas and crazy ramblings. Lucky you. :wink:

Good day to be Day

(Deep Sigh) What a nice day. The only thing that didn't seem to go exceptionally well would be work and even that was more of a lack of progress than a rough time. The weather was great, had some nice conversations, got some goodies in the mail, bumped into a few people some new and some old, did some shopping, and topped it off with a little backyard get together.

Sometimes I think I need to accomplish things to be satisfied. I can spend weeks in that mindset forcing myself to keep moving on things and then at some point it will hit me that I have forgoten to appreciate things along the way. I wonder how that happens, though I suppose it is a simple matter of getting to focused, to task oriented. It started to hit me that I wasn't enjoying things like the sky, or the fall breeze, or sitting and mulling over questions at night. I mean, sheesh, I couldn't even write a normal blog post. I was only concerned about catching up and getting things out of the way which wasn't working anyway. =3

What an ugly way to live I think, being that focused. Always looking for the next thing to do and finish. Not really stopping to smell the roses. Not that it doesn't have some benefits. I mean you are sure to have done many things both for yourself and others, but at what cost. I think I'd rather fall behind and still be able love life than become a type of slave to my ambition. Lol, "my ambition." That just doesn't sound right coming from me.

Anyway, tonight was nice to sit with my friends and listen to their thoughts and experiances in Handuras. They had spent a week over there working with a childrens hospital, if I am correct, by helping clean it up and playing with the kids. One of the group leaders, mentioned that some people had commented on the shortness of the missions trips that americans take. How if they really wanted to be effective, really wanted to help, they would have to stay longer. Maybe a month or so. I can understand the where they are coming from in a sense but really I disagree. Every act of God bares fruit. Granted it may not be an abundant harvest and it may not be the best fruit that it could be, but it is a good fruit in that it was spawned from a desire to help in Gods name. So essentially, every little thing done for Him (in context), is worth doing. True, the more the better, but that statement does not negate the positive effects that my friends had over there with those kids. True, the needs are greater than the efforts we as a country have put into the situation, but God is still working on both ends of it.

Give it time. Let Him do his thing.

Par for the Course

Ok, so since this has taken me 6 times longer than expected (entirely my fault) and I don't often talk about it I thought this would be as good a time as any to mention some of the ups and downs of this course so far. This is by no means a summary of the class, it is just some of the things I either enjoyed or didn't know before.

One of my favorites things in this course was Typology which is everywhere in Genesis. It is one of those things you kind of pick up on but didn't know their was a term and study form behind it. Once you know about it you see it even more than before.

Typify: a.) To serve as a typical example of; embody the essential characteristics of: a painting that typifies the artist's work. b.) To represent by an image, a form, or a model; symbolize or prefigure.

Typology: a.) The study or systematic classification of types that have characteristics or traits in common. b.) A theory or doctrine of types, as in scriptural studies.

One of the more common examples of typology in Genesis would be the sacrifice of Isaac on Mt Moriah. Isaac typifies the christ here in many ways such as when he carried to wood up th mountain that was to be the fire for his sacrifice. In a similar fasion the Christ carred the wooden cross which He was to be nailed to as a sacrifice. A fairly obvious type would be that both Isaac and Jesus where the only sons of their fathers and where loved greatly. Isaac belonged to Abraham and Jesus belonged to God. Another type in this situation is that both Jesus and Isaac were promised births. The birth of Jesus was foretold long before Isaacs time and Isaac himself had been a promised seed to Abraham. In both the sacrifice at Mt Moriah and the crusifixtion of Jesus the father and son walked together to the event. Also, both Jesus and Isaac willingly submitted to being the sacrifice that their fathers wanted. And finally, after the event on Mt Moriah Issac seems to almost disappear. Jesus, likewises, ascends into heaven after the events of the crusifixtion and resurection. Their are many more though and some are much more potent than this. Another very common type is the appearance of Melchizedek in Genesis 14.

My least favorites are Evidential, Presuppositional, and Classical apologetics. Actually, it's not that I don't like the them I just don't like how people seem to go about it. I meen each of the three forms has within it several variations and none are appreciated by the majority. Each has its own faults when put under scrutiny but each has something to offer as well. Of them all I would currently choose the presuppositional form. It is the closest one to my personality and how I approach people. On the other hand Evidential would be great to have a firm grip on because when people say things about how scripture didn't really happen or can't be documented I could correct and then direct them to the truth that many many things have been documented. The combination of these events, places, people, and timelines goes a great distance in removing the doubts of the casual opposition.

I also loved how much prophectic verses I had missed before as this is the 3rd or 4th time I've read Genesis but had never picked up on them before. Another thing, and probably the most influential, was how detailed the relationships were compared to how before when I basically read on my own. Getting to know the characters and the author in such an intimate way helps to feel a connection to each situation and each person which I hadn't been able to grasp before. In almost every verse I was led to feel a connection to the plot or the character. When they were doing well I was happy and when they were doing poorly I felt sorry for them. This, though the most important to me, is by far the hardest to summarize.

Overall it was a good class regardles of how slow I moved at it. I have the lectures scanned in as pdf files but didn't upload them yet. If you are interested you can download them later.

Sickly

I’m sick.

No big surprise right, everyone gets sick. It’s nothing bad just a small sinus infection or bout with flu. The real danger for me is the aftermath when the sinuses are draining away as I sleep filling and my lungs with their icky yuckiness. That’s when Mr. Bronchitis comes. I don’t like that guy. We never get along well. Mr. Bronchitis is an old acquaintance from my childhood. Whenever I would get sick it would drain into my lungs and then we would hang out for a week or so. It used to require drugs to fix but I got tired of that so the past few times he showed up I have fought it without. Taking Nyquil and cough-drops, breathing steam, coughing up crap, and using the inhaler for a week. Letting my body fight the good fight. It’s not as easy I guess as getting a prescription from the Doc but that’s fine with me. The easy route is popular but not always necessary. (I do keep an eye on it so no need to panic.) If I get that sick I’ll call and go in for meds. There’s only been one time in my life (since I have been “in charge” of myself) that I underestimated things and thankfully someone was there when I went down. For now the waking coma that is Nyquil/Dayquil will be enough for me. It’s almost funny waking up to a night of Nyquil sleep. Everything is slow for a while and I have a hard time ending dreams. This morning I was standing in the shower talking to myself about something that was as random as a dream would be. Apparently leftover uncollected thoughts from the night before. No idea what the thoughts were though. They disappeared as I woke up the rest of the way.

So, I believe that when you struggle through something (physical, emotional, or other) and clear it you become stronger from that experience. To clarify that thought a bit I am not saying that I am less susceptible to another bout of flu or that I think I can’t be beaten by such illnesses. I’m just saying as a general rule hardships and perseverance build character and strength in people. The hardest things in my life have been some of the best things in my life. Relationships, Personal Demons, Spiritual Maturity…these things are worth hitting head on. Just remember to hit them with a will to see it through and a mentality that knows it doesn’t have the end answer. Difficult requirements for a difficult job.

Anyway, I’m at work right now on a Monday, half doped up. I will be leaving at lunch time. Shouldn’t have even come in today. Too late for that now. Tonight I wanted to finish the last 9 questions in this course but I don’t know if I’ll have the stamina for it. Was supposed to do it Friday but I spent the night finishing the X-Men Legends game (which was awesome) and then on Saturday I was going to finish it but spent the whole day watching the GitS:SAC anime series (26 episodes) that came Friday. Sheesh… If it weren’t such a nice weekend overall I would call it a waste in lue of the questions that remain un-finished.

Writer Block?

Wow, what is going on here. I have like 10 posts partially written here but I can't finish them to post them. It's not a time thing either. I have time right now. I have been typing for almost 2 hours now but the only ones I can finish are the ones I can't post. (sigh)

Am I in a creative stupor? No, that can't be because my ideas and interest in dA related things are flowing like water and are starting to become very good. Also, if I were having a complete writers block deal I wouldn't be able to write up the ones that I can't post. And some of them are uber long too. Well, I certainly don't want to give up trying. It's not like I can't think of stuff to talk about I just can't get it to come out of my head right now. My appologies to the readers, few and loyal.

Two things I could mention before I go though...

-The bible study this week went extreamly well. I was steadied and focused because I was looking to Him for the guidance and support. Something I'm still learning. I admit I didn't know how to start it but once it did start it just kept moving. People seemed to like the questions or at least they responded well enough to them. The group had an overall good time and the group prayer at the end also went well. Did I really expect it to not go well? No, but that never seems to fend off 100 percent of the worry. :p It was nice to have such a good turnout and fellowship again. It was also nice to have the meeting at Mascots house and I am thankfull for that small mercy. Any how, I have great interest in starting up a study either at work (desperatly needed) or in my appartment eventually. Right now might not be the best time with everything else going on but it is a definate for the future.

-Today was the wedding of a couple from the other bible study. It was quite possibly the best wedding I have been to in my life. (Which meens maybe best out of 20.) I loved the church though I don't know the name. I loved the music which I also don't recall now. I loved the crowd which comprised of very God oriented people and very attractive people or so it seemed anyway. I loved the way the serimony was layed out in terms of scripture references and the pastors explanation of them. It was just such a great time. Oh and the couple who got married are wonderfull people themselves. =P Their is much to say about this as well as the reception but that is a post that will not be.

If I don't soon get some real posts in here I'm gonna have to get drastic. Well, I don't have to get drastic but it's important to me...this site. Even if people aren't reading it, it remains an outlet and is a lot of fun.

Mandatory disaster talk

So, I know it's already everywhere in the media and most of us have already talked about it quite a bit but I thought I'd ramble a little on it here too.

So, from what I gather, people can't read their futures and this fact seems to come as a shock to many people who have a hard time accepting that mistakes or tragedies happen. What happened down their was a whopping disaster, no doubt. Many lives will be lost in the chaos of it and sure most of it "could" have been avoided. But it wasn't avoided and though funding or exspeediancy issues can be traced back to human error it was a violent storm and a broken water barrier that has taken such a large toll. Those who made mistakes will not likely slip away unrecognized, but is now really the time to through mud. People are in severe distress and yet people everywhere are pointing fingers and saying "why wasn't this planned and executed perfectly?" I don't know what planet you were born on but around this part of the galaxy crap hits the fan all the time. Though it often has a human factor that started it, it never helps to get bent way out of shape about it. I'm by no means saying that this matter should be taken lightly. I simply don't believe that anger, hate, and blameing is the wisest way to proceed in any such event.
I'll stop there...

Anyway, I am happy to see the other side step up to the task before them. I am referring to the ones who are not looking to fight or further their own agendas. The ones who are giving and careing about the injured and lost. People from all over the country are giving in the way of donations and taking up efforts to lend a physical hand where they can. I love these people. They feel as much for the nameless victims as they would if it were their own families. I have heard that in the first few days of the disaster the local voluteer offices in Harrisburg were actually turning people away because they already had 700 volunteers to go down and help.

That's love. That's the way it is supposed to be. It is hard to not give it all away in a time like this. Empty the savings account and go live with a relative so that a family can move into the appartment for a while but their will be plenty of time to help and to give in the coming months.

If you haven't given to the cause and can please do. Anything is better than nothing. Links for donations are on the right. If you have a specific and usefull skill like a medical professional (man or animal), an engineering knowledge, or even an empty summer house or extra room that you don't use please consider calling someone who can help you put it to use.

How (not) to write a blog...

Man, seems I am all over the board these days. These writings are like loosely bound strings of thought which I suppose makes sense seeing as how this is MY diary. ^_^ They do follow a pattern most of the time, I just wonder how hard it is to find and follow the pattern sometimes. Oh well, hopefully I will be able to take more time to think out the next posts before typing them up. The funny thing is that their is just so much to talk about and so little time to focus and write it up...'er type.

Some recent events:

I have taken a second (part-time) job at my office for some extra cash. It's only ten hours a week cleaning. Nothing to be real excited over but I don't know how I'll ever really make progress on the savings account and the few things I want to pay off if I don't find some other income. It pays well and the hours are negotiable so long as it gets done. The company was not happy with the cleaning service we used to have and finally dumped them.

I am schedualed to lead (help lead) my first bible study on the 21st of this month which I am very excited about. I want to really prepare for this but not try to plan everything, sort of like with camp. The group is on the last chapter of the Ecclesiasties Study so it should be pretty neat to close the study down as well. Also, it is going to be on familiar territory as Mascot is hosting it that week. Yay!

Also, some prayers have been answered or are being answered as we speak. Things all across the board really. Things specifically for me and for those close to me. I want to say all of them but maybe I shouldn't since I don't know how they would feel about that. It's one thing for me to dump my thoughts here, but not everyone is so comfortable with the idea.

Tommorrow the other group is meeting at Hershey Park for the evening and then Saturday we are supposed to go Golfing. I am excited to do all this but have to admit I don't know how well the golfing outing will go as my right side has been giving me some trouble lately. It's not bad but I am keeping an eye on it and wonder what carrying 20 pounds of golfing gear will do to upset it. We'll see.

I got a second letter from Pam last week and with it came a cute crayon drawing of what I assume is her home. It is very sweet and is hanging on my fridge. The coolest part is that this letter is written directly from her as apposed to the first one which was from a woman at the Compassion community center she goes to. Now I am really looking forward to sending her some kind of picture as well. So much comes to mind though, need to narrow it down.

Lastly, I am finally getting back to the school work. (Yes, I have been on this one class for like...ever.) It was nice to sit down last night and push through a couple chapters. I love researching and answering questions on the scripture. So with any luck I'll be finished with this class by next Tuesday. Weeee!

Invisible War

...not just a great PC game.

Ok. Here's the deal and it might sound strange. In fact I am not sure how it will even sound as I'm typing. I consider myself somewhat suseptable to spiritual things. Though my faith has only really been a part of my life for 9 years or so, I have always taken an interest in religion and paranormal topics. Light and dark. I have had many occasions when I have had "occurances" with things I can't define and I'm not talking about considences or feeling the mood change in a room.

The topic was brought up by a movie preview. The movie is based on a true event but obviously it has been hollywoodized. The movie is "The Exorcism of Emily Rose" about Anneliese Michel who was born in the 50's and led a difficult life which ended in the 70's. She had been possesed in much the same way as "Legion" had. Curious about her story I researched and found a good bit on it. I also found a good bit on posession, it's causes, methods, and survivor stories about posessions. Do I believe in posession? Yes. Do I think much about it? No.

To me their is as much intangible and undefined reality as their is defined. It was built this way as purposfully as anything else and at times lines cross. I don't know how or why, but they do. Anyway, I was reading these survivor stories and became wrapped up in them. I realize they may be false or exagerated, but for the moment lets assume they aren't. Consider what this means to us. Consider the dangers we walk beside every day that we can't see. Sure we can learn to look both ways before crossing the street or to carry mace when we walk home in the dark but we aren't ready for this. We aren't prepared.

I considered the thought, "what is posession?". It is often thought to be like the exorcist movies, violent and terrifying. But that is not posessions true definition it is what we watch on the screen. So, lets again make the assumption that a person can be posessed or in struggle for posession without being in such dire circumstances. Ok, so, could it be you? It could be me.

As I read these stories a connection was made in my head. If I were not a believer I might toss it aside in my disbelief. But I know to much to be true to simply neglect the possiblity. What does this mean to me? Maybe it means I am fighting demons in a more literal sense as apposed to the figureative meaning. It might sound almost like a copout on my part to point the finger at the unseen like that. I am not one to blame another for my screwups but I can't ignore what has happened and still does. It reminds me of a book I read once long ago. Where demons atached themselves to people but people couldn't tell they were their. Each one represented a different sin or mistake and they would cause the people to faulter in such departments. Interesting book.

The questions for us are...

• What is the difference or line between a strong addiction and an overpowered will?
• How does the addiction move you without your decision? (Is it simply habit?)
• Where do you draw the line between the sounds of night and the wisperings of those unknown?
• How can you tell the difference between a clear voice in the open air from a trick of the mind?
• Can you ignore the literal healing hand on your shoulder that you can not see?
• How do you explain the you in your head that speaks to you when you don't expect? (Not talking about your concience.)

...and why would we distningish our faith as real without (available) tangible proof and then disregard these possibilities which are already a documented part of our faith? (All be it an unspoken part and not up-beat.)

What might this mean? Nothing. Or maybe something. With so much "maybe" and so little "definatly" it is hard to make a general statement on it. So, this is just my ramblings on the topic which peaked my interest and a time of sharing.

Worth it's weight in words

I love how sometimes the comic writers manage to be creative and funny without being abrasive or too obvious. Especially whne their is a possibly a deeper meaning in the comic. On Friday their were two of them. Of course I could just have missed the actual joke/point they were going for. This is just what I got and thought was pretty good.

BC- View It
I like BC. The write very frequently expresses his faith through the comic. Though not always in obvious ways. This one is a stretch maybe. If you think you get it in a different way let me know, I'm curious. I took this comic to be focused on how people miss the obvious and outrageous so often. The strange but acceptable bird thing sees a giant nose who speaks and is 85 years old. The bird is blown away by the noses age. But not the fact that it is a giant sentiant nose. Then to top it off the bird puts efforts into a breakdown equation to make a pointless point on, of all things, luck. This picture is certainly worth its 1000 words. Why? Because this is a very real representation of our society. People who look at things in plain light and miss the obvious. Maybe becasue of the squewed perspective of the society in general on account of the various and abundant media (generalization) or because they just don't get it. I'm sure I miss things all the time and as such am sadly to be included in this generalization, but the second half I believe myself to be exempt from now. After missing the point the bird then does some mental gymnastics to link hardly usefull information to the nose and sadly the nose agrees. Something we have seen in fortune tellers and so called modern prophets. Not prophets like those who deserve the title, but those who gather information which in the end proves nothing and serves no purpose but yet grabs the eye and ear of so many that pass by it. Vague predictions and strange coincidences. Don't get me wrong sometimes I find those things to be interesting but for the most part they are a waste of effort, IMO. Like that's what needs to be done.

Rose is Rose- View It
A little off the beaten path I suppose and maybe not intended, but I thought...Rose represents God and we are both the clock and cat (believers and unbelievers respectively). As Rose moves by on matters that need attended she notices that the clock is either not doing it's job or at least not fulfilling it's potential and so takes time to stop and make an adjustment. The cat makes the statement that the clock was doing fine and didn't need to be bothered. The clock begins ticking as intended if only for a short time. Neither seems to grasp either the purpose or need for the encounter. We don't always think we needed the change and often it seems to interupt our peacefullness or our relaxation but none the less it comes. Sometimes we were expecting it. Aware that we have been running a bit slow. Other times it seems liek an annoyance coming between us and our lives. Even us clocks aren't always supportive of being tinkered with and renewed. Seemed to just jump out at me. Rose is a comic that has had under or overtones of religion in it, but I have no idea if this is what the write was thinking.

Sunset Meetings

So Tuesday night was one of the bible studies and then tonight was the other one.

Tuesdays group spoke about many things like how we interact with non-belivers and a little bit on the end-days. Two very interesting and prevalent topics in my life. Though I'd like to think otherwise they are two topics I am not so familiar with. Dealing with unbelievers is not an easy thing by any means. It takes practice, finness, patients, and understanding among other things. Even then it is easy to mess up. By dealing I don't mean the casual conversations or hanging out with them. I mean haveing deep talks or the more frequent tense debates and arguments. Some of the people in the group shared occasions when they had to step up and say something or in some way had to face unbelivers. I was pleasantly surprised by both the way they handled the situation and who it was in the group that spoke. It is nice to see others who have had small victories in this war. Even though our roles are small it is important to struggle against the current. The semi-brief talk on the end-days was interesting if not a bit inacurate. I don't mean that I know it any better just that I know we were all only semi-familiar. Often it seemd that interpretations and theories found their way into the ring. Understandable I suppose considering the topic. Some where looking forward to it and others were not. I am, but I felt a bit alone in the conversation as I am the only one (I think) who wanted to stay after the rapture. I know that won't happen but I would if their were and option. Besides being an incredible time to be alive I can imagine the chaotic world and the obvious slap in the face that the rapture will be to many of those left behind. I can imagine those who come to realize they missed the first boat and decided to get on the second one will be reaching out for guidance and will find very little. Comparatively I mean. It would be an honor in those days to stay, as a light these days seems easily overlooked but even a small light in such a dark time would burn brightly. Though it would be no pleasure cruse in truth.

Tonight's group spoke again on Ecclesiasties and James. Mostly on interpretation of the scripture as apposed to a specific individual topic. Reading the verses and telling what comes to mind or how it may be relavent to our lives. Not that their is no focus. Their are questions that accompany the reading, but a lot of it is the group sitting around a table thinking and talking about the text. Some people don't like studies like this but I do, as much as any study really. I enjoy interpretation or analyzing texts and then relating them to me or the group. It often reveals things about individuals who are able to open up which can strengthen the fellowship. On the other hand if no one opens up then the conversation can get a little slow. Part of me enjoys it becasue its a forum to talk about myself which, other than this blog, I don't have. Funny thing is I have a hard time not talking all the time. I don't want to dominate the groups conversation or make it about me after all. I think the group has plans to go more activity oriented than study oriented. I think this is a good idea and in fact is something I have been looking for for some time. Hope it goes through.

Over all I take a long time to relax and get used to new groups most of the time and these groups are no exception. It is no fault of anyone in the groups it's just my personality. I'm an introvert. Being social isn't one of my talents, at least not at first, but I am relaxing some and enjoying the groups time more as the weeks go by. These are all good people and so is the fellowship. Their is a third study starting soon and Mascot and I are signed up but I can't be sure I will be able to follow through with everything else going on.

Day5pr1ng (dA)

So I have a small artistic side. I like to write and draw and create things in various media. Naturaly, since I'm a geek, I do it on the computer. I enjoy writing this journal when I can (sorry for being so MIA lately) and what I guess is concidered fan-fiction...mostly DnD styled stuff. I also enjoy creating desktop wallpapers and taking pictures of things. The point being that I enjoy sharing here so much that I wanted to share the rest of this stuff. Good and bad. So I went to dA (deviant Art) and created an account. It's a place where you can upload your digital media (pics, poems, renderings, etc) for free and then interact with the enormous community there. It is a slow site but very fun once you figure out how to get around. Below are my 3 basic pages.

My general info and home page here.

My main gallery which is the things I have made or edited myself.

My secondary gallery which is where I put any pictures that I liked that I recently took.

It may not always be good or what you expect but I'm sure you'll like something on it.

As for the rest of the site... Be careful in terms of what you are browsing. This site holds all kinds of peoples art. Consequently, it contains good things like real nature photos, cartoons, fractal art, self portraits but also "artistic nudes" and other strange things, so I can't say that it is clean. On the other hand their are over 14 million pieces from people everywhere so they can't all be bad. I'm just saying be aware so your not shocked if you see it.

I have been uploading things weekly and have every intent on continuing. If you are interested take a look.

Honorable Discharge

Today I have been handed my discharge papers . Dayspring[SpecOps] is retired. No more war and no more online gaming. Not for quite some time anyway.

I have been swamped with things outside of work lately. Like 4 out of 5 nights and the spare night I just want to lay down. I'm surprised I even am sitting here typing. Work is actually busy so I can't do anything there to free up evening time and at home I'm so busy I can't even get to my homework. I guess that's good in a way, but I feel like I should be doing it. It's not busy like hangin out with the guys or going to the gym or anything. It's like someone needs something done or I need to get something done all the time and I very much expect it to get worse. Their is an oportunity for a part time job coming. It's 10 hours a week which is doable and the pay it very good. I want to pay off a couple loans and save for a house if at all possible and it just wont happen as things are. So that is going to take a bite out of me later as well.

Also, It is important to drop the internet connection down to dial-up if not completely. I'll be on one of those 10 dollars a month jobies. It is better for me, trust me! So I can't really play online games anyway.

And so back to the point which is, it's been fun. I'll miss the late nights, fun games, and comrodery(sp?). It's going to be rough hearing about the adventures of Astro, Zep, Munch, Meat, Rock, and now BV. It's tough because the games these days are becoming so adept and realistic that the games from 3 years ago are simply pathetic. BF2 for instance is just amazing and they will just get better. I feel like ranting about it but I won't. At least not till the withdraw kicks in. ^_^

On the other hand I won't be wasting time doing the same things over and over collecting points that simply don't matter to reach a goal that changes nothing. And probably cursing under my frustrated breath half the way there. Yea, it's better for me that I stop. Nothing gets you riled up like a bad night of gaming. Good luck soldiers...

"YOU'RE MY BOY BLUE!...you're my boy."