July 16th

Night one and I am sitting here writing a paper blog. I am sitting here with so much happines and excitement that I wonder if I am still myself. I got here on time and met the others who are wonderfull people. I got the tour and helped setup. We went over regulations and then went out for dinner. I was concerned I had come ill prepared but He had me ready it seems. I was concerned I would pull back again, but He has kept me open more than I was expecting. I was very aware He would take care of it all but I was still relieved to see it come true. The group even ended the night playing an RTS LAN game. Not me of course, I just wanted to break out BF2. The machine is still in the car and since the campers get here at three tomorrow I'll probably leave it there. Right now it is pouring and thundering tremendously at 11:32pm. Skip, the guy accross from me (co-counselor) is still up as well. Earlier I had gotten a chance to write back to Pam though just a little. I realize it will get harder here when the kids are here and are rowdy but overall I am very happy to be here. One thing though...I want a shower Soooo bad right now. I have been sweating so much all day it bordered embarassing. On the up side I may sweat the extra few pounds that have shown up around the middle. Ok, that's all for tonight I think.

God Bless.

July 17th

Well, today was just about perfect. If I could have imagined what the ideal camp counselor day would look like, at least for a beginner, this would have been it. I made the mistake of eating breakfast, cause it was there, and paid for it early on. The kids came in between 3 and 4 with the exception of a couple at 7. They are ultimatly a good bunch of 9 kids between 12-16 years of age. Their is the all to active and loud one, the couple of trouble makers who began immediatly, and the personally familiar quiet guy on the far side of the room who is steadily opening up. Right away, as planned I'm sure, I was left to "fend for myself" as the kids and parents came in. Granted I was in good hands I will say that that beginning and the series of events following went very well. I didn't react badly and yes "I am making many new friends at camp". One of which is a large (sorry, but it's true) 14 year olf girl who is very giggaly and couldn't stop talking if she wanted to. She has quite the crush on me which is weird. To be honest I try to avoid her a good bit cause she seems to be the obsessive type. Anyway, aside from the two troublemakers and the large girl this should be relatively easy, not that I'm goping to promise myself that. So it's 11:11 now and they are asleep. I need a shower very badly. Oh and the campfire worship service is awesome. Though I wonder how much they understood. That, I suppose, is not an issue as long as we try to convey it as appropriatly as possible. The singing is also very comforting for me. Got to go! 6:15 wake up call.

G'night.

July 18th

Well, what can I say about today... I'll say that this experiance is like NOTHING I have had before. This, though physicaly tiring already, is most certainly what I needed...Praise God. My legs, shoulders, feet, and boney butt are aching but it is wonderfull here. Aside from fears of traveling overseas I am all about a missions trip in the future. If this is just a taste of what He can do with me, and I believe it is, I (am after some rest) will be itching for more. Though it is not for everyone I wish everyone could share this with me. I hope if you haven't that you consider a Christian Camp Counseling position. I didn't think it was for me I mean...being all...social and leadery. But here I am under His power helping to lead keep safe these 33 children for the one I love the most. It does get complexe at times and I have moments of obvious newness but overall I think that this fits somehow. Anyway enough about me.

Today I spoke with several campers who have become quite open and fond of me already. Children with real needs and struggles and often...no guidance or help. The large girl is one of these. She puts me in an awkward position. She will focus her intense needs on one or two people and I am apparently one of them. I want to help and be their but she focuses her feelings in a way that I wouldn't/won't reciprocate. Forcing me to be standoffish or hurt her seemingly fragile state. So I am walking a very fine line and being very careful with my reactions and statements. Aside from that our cabin was rated as F- upon inspection. We were the worst of 8. We have taken hikes, worshiped, and played group games to build trust, openness, and acceptance with one another. Also, the campers saw me as another camper (status wise not literally) so today was a series of short backsteps to remove such misconceptions. If this isn't enough I have been asked to teach Flash for a day. Though this sounds like old news it isn't. Yesterday and Saturday I was to "help" the other counselors teach. This is big news as I was not ready to teach Flash. All my lessons were in other programs. God stepped in (as if He had ever stepped out) and in 10 minutes I had a lesson layout ready.

Lastly, my counselor initiation ended in an A+.

July 19th

You know I could be giving the play by play of what happens here. It would help to figure out what the chaos looks like but (A.) the experiances were special in a way words might fail to convey and (B.) it might get boring if it is a list of names, activities, and places/times. Today more than any other day so far was special. Today in a word would be "moving". Today's highlights would be answered in prayer and the Spirits works. Among other things God has brought a comfort to the situation with the large girl and the interaction between me and the campers. Even the relationships between counselors has grown a great deal. Tonight before dinner I went with the camp dean to setup for a movie showing, The Incredibles, that would happen later. He reminds me of an old friend I once knew and charished. I can only hope and pray that my old friend is as close to the Lord as this man.

Anyway, we setup and talked a bit and then watched the movie. After that we went to the nightly service which was in the chapel this time. Pastor Steve, my churches Pastor, related the movie to us like this (more or less)...the mom says "everyone is special" and the boy comments "that's just another way of saying no one is" and how we tend to think we aren't special, especially speaking to the campers. At the end of the session Steve asked if anyone wanted to share in any related (or non-related) way. He then sat down which is another way of saying that he would wait everyone out if necessary to get things going. The Holy Spirit was nudging me and filling my head and heart so after a few minutes of waiting for the campers to go I stood up and told my story in brief summary. The part that related to the topic and to the campers. I sat down and then a counselor stood up and spoke. Then 4 or 5 campers stepped up and shared. It was most certainly a movement of the Holy Spirit in the room. The fire just needed to be ignited for it to burn hot. Of course in true Junior High fashion it ended with an inappropriatly timed bathroom request, but people in that room shared a moment and as they left they agreed out loud. Praise God!

I thought that would be it but while we left a camper who shared his problems with me earlier was in tears by the event. I tried to let him know it was ok to be moved by the event and to cry. I offered to talk to him later, if and when he wanted. Now you'd think that it would have stopped their, but no. One of the boys I had met earlier approached on the walk back to the cabin. He said that he could relate alot to my story and asked what happened to me. I told him where and when I truly became a follower of Christ and what became of it in a relativly breif way as I didn't want to talk his ear off and I don't want to pressure him. He seemed to take it to heart and I believe God is hot on both of their heals. I am really looking forward to more of this.

July 20th

And on it goes...

Today flew by and for a time had begun to take a downward arc. Not surprising after the last few days and the fact that we are surrounded by 12-16 year old boys and girls. After a long day of scolding people and getting very little response we had dinner followed by water games...yes that seems like a bad idea to me as well. Anyway, the pool was cold and I got sick to my stomach again. I thought "this is not my day" and moved on. However, as unpredictable as could be, the Holy Spirit shows up at the evening worship outside. He moved us all again or at least most of us. At the end of the service, which have all gone very well, a young camper approached again wanting to talk privatly. He had come to me before and we had spoken about anger over divorce which had been taring away at him. We walked and talked at the end of the cabin and I was delighted by how much God was pushing him. I shared my family history and the feelings I went through. I encouraged him to look at things differently and in the middle of it he mentions forgiveness (or the lack of) in his heart. I admit I felt feble at some points in the conversation, but when we finished I was told that I was more of a friend than just a counselor to him. We went briefly over the idea of forgiveness and that the situation wasn't his fault. Also that he is capable, intelligent, and has a big heart. (He often put himself down.) Lastly, we prayed for Gods work in him here and home as well as his families progression. Thinking back I want to have prayed for more for him, but I can't help but feel good about what happened. After he went in I grabbed my "where to find it in the bible" and looked up some relevant scripture on anger and forgiveness. Something for him to read when he has the time. I said "I" a lot here but it should be stated that I am simply a messanger and a servant in times like these and am not acting alone. Well it's late and I am exhausted.

G'night.

July 21st

Ok, today was pretty good all around and ended well. It was a busy day including volleyball, a movie, many conversations, a brief attempt at teaching, and a service including communion. I got 3 notes from the large girl and now she has 2 others following me around. I didn't get to craftstation but that's ok. I did get a vanilla milkshake and a couple of post cards. I hope to send one to Pam later next week. Also I was asked to share about the experiance here at church on Sunday. Though I am exhausted physically and, at least in the morning, emotionally I am renewed every night at the service or my own reflection on the events of the day. Tonights service broke the same boy as the past few nights and he wept while we sang. I wanted to comfort him but the large girl had moved back to me and reached out some to me. I figured he was in good hands and was surrounded by help at the time but she was rarely looked after so that's where my attention ended up. Tomorrow is the last day. Then it's back home to make phone calls and type. Followed by much sleep.

July 22nd

It's Friday already and I am both happy and sad that tomorrow we go home. I'm happy because these seats are hard and I miss sleeping in till 8am. Wow, that sounds strange. On the other hand I will very much miss these children and the other counselors. I will miss what the Holy Spirit has done for us here. Part of me already does. I suppose this means I will be coming back for sure, but it is definatly important that I recover a bit. Today was also busy and involved scolding, lifting (again), laughing, talking about God, singing, and a few hugs. I had some trouble with the large girl today but it seems to be okay now. I wanted to say and do more the past few days I admit, but I think their are times when we as Christians think we need to keep pushing ourselves or those around us when we have already done the job we were intended to do. So I stopped a couple times when part of me didn't want to. None the less God was here this week. Tonight while we wait for the campers to fall asleep I would like to write Pam and a summary of the camp experiance for Sunday. Most likely I will listen to music and fall asleep. As you can probably tell I am spent.

God Bless.

July 23rd

The campers are gone now. They packed up and the parents arrived. We had a small presentation for everyone and they filtered away. Their weren't many tearful goodbyes in our cabin, but I didn't expect many. After cleaning up and sharing sometime together as counselors we had a group prayer and departed. The first thing I did? Stop at McDonalds. Yeah, yeah I know. A brief summary of the Camp Penn experiance for me:

I'm quiet, independant minded, and afraid to step outside of my own saftey-net but their was a need for Counselors at Camp Penn and God apparently thought I should be one of those to fill the position. So He put it in Pastor Steve to call me and scary as it sounded to me it I said yes. I am so very grateful for the chance to take part in this past week at Camp Penn. I went expecting a change in my life and to be forced out of my norm, but I am overwhelmed by the the relationships built, the growth of both the children and myself, and the work of Gods hands in that place over the week. As the week went on and the children had time to listen and process the scripture, it's relevance to them, and the testimonies of the counselors their walls started to fall down and some of them were truly moved by the experiance. Not only did they have fun over the week (playing volleyball, 4 square, swimming, and learning how to use tech equipment) but they also came to know God and His presence in their lives and the lives of those around them. I was blessed to get the chance to listen and speak with several of the youth about their struggles and what God can do for them as well as what God had done in my life. By the end of the week I admit I wanted a nice shower, a softer chair, and a peacefull place to recover. But I also wanted to stay. Those children and the time with them meant a lot to me and hopefuly a lot to them. Personaly, I have come to trust God a great deal more than before and I came to love serving Him in a way that I thought was beyond me. I am really looking forward to next year and getting another chance at it.

Good to go!

Well, it's almost time to go already and the rest of the week is going to fly by so I thought I'd make a quick post as I will not get to next week.

Next Week:
I am almost ready now for the trip;
-the background checks are going through
-the clothes are ready
-the camping related gear is ready
-the playlists are ready
-the apartment is taken care of
-the directions have been printed

The only outstanding things are the actual program lessons and things like that. Oh, and the snacks. Mmmm, the snacks.

I am still nervous but only inspurts. Which is a bit different than usual. Ususally I freak out at the thought of doing something like this at least a week solid before hand. And when I say freak out I...well...I'll just say I can freak out with the best of them, I just do it quietly. This time though the freakouted-ness is being offset by the exicted-osity. Please excuse the technical terminology. Their's a comfort involved this round and it's not something I could have done myself. Leaving me at the closest to calm I have ever been in light of what is coming. It helps that people are praying for me and I am praying as well. It also helps to read the word and other helpful things literature. It also (for me anyway) helps to have a song or two, or thirty.

My playlist right now is skittesh as would be expected, but here are some of the consistent songs that make the cut. You may recognize them. Most have a deep, almost mournful, melody to them and a few of them have something to say. Try them if you like and keep them if you want.

Frou Frou - Let Go (click to download)
drink up, baby down
mmm, are you in or are you out
leave your things behind
'cause it's all going off without you
excuse me, too busy you're writing your tragedy
these mishaps
you bubble wrap
when you've no idea what you're like
so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get inoh, it's so amazing here
it's alright'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
it gains the more it gives
and then it rises with the fall
so hand me that remote
can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow
such boundless pleasure
we've no time for later now
you can't await your own arrival
you've 20 seconds to comply
so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

Jars of Clay - Frail (click to download)
Convinced of my deception
I've always been a fool
I fear this love reaction
Just like you said I would
A rose could never lie
About the love it brings
And I could never promise
To be any of those things
If I was not so weak
If I was not so cold
If I was not so scared of being broken
Growing old
I would be...I would be...I would be...
Blessed are the shallow
Depth they'll never find
Seemed to be some comfort
In rooms I try to hide
Exposed beyond the shadows
You take the cup from me
Your dirt removes my blindness
Your pain becomes my peace
...frail

Cranes - Fragile (click to download)
Fragile . . . fragile
Fragile . . . fragile
But there's no fear at all
There's no fear at all
There's no fear at all
There's no fear at all
Fragile . . .

Jars of Clay - Blind (click to download)
Hooverphonic - Battersea (click to download)
Hook the Captian - Take me away (click to download)
Telepopmuzik - Breathe (click to download)

Heres to blue skyes next week...