(Un)Certain Times

Well by my frayed nerves I think it is a week before camp. This year I have a lot of responsibilities as a counselor and I am excited deep down. Unfortunately, I'm also quite scared deep down though maybe not for the obvious reasons. You'd think I'm scared because of the new trials and responsibilities to be faced in the coming week. You'd think I was just worried about speaking in front of people day after day. You'd think I'd just be scared of failure along these lines, and in truth I am a bit, but a new worry crests the horizon.

Upon meeting recent challenges and recent blessings I find myself fulfilled. Something I did not expect to be. Something I did not think was coming. When I began this journey some years back, I had a feeling deep down with the fears that what I wanted was an internet counseling and evangelical ministry. At the time I was not capable and had no idea of how to go about this and so it failed and floundered. I ended up branching out in general and then suddenly opportunity arrives. So I have been blessed with what I asked for. Counseling and ministering to the masses online. It is not in the form I had expected it to take and I don't know just how useful it has been in comparison to what I had dreamt, but none the less it has come.

Now I am left with a wonderful feeling, that I don't know how to...um...feel about. The question, what lies ahead? Does He have a plan in mind? Is He going to further my life in this direction? Is this just a pit stop to something greater? Is this just a small gift to me before I end up far from a ministry that I would want? How hard would I fight against such a change, if at all? Am I open to such a frightening calling? Only He knows I suppose and I am so very pleased with what He has done that I will likely take to His calling faster and faster as the days pass, I would hope.

Knowing my heart, I would hope He intends to push to the horizon. Infact with all this uncertainty I am quite certain this is not the end for me.