Music Motive

I'm gonna try something new here. Well, new to me anyhow. I know others have been doing this for a long time, but I always have a hard time with the coding format of this blog. Getting things to appear in the post box is a tough job for me.

This one is about a music video I watched online. It is a song I like by an artist I think is interesting. The name is Sigur Ros for those that might recognize it. The song is called Hoppipola which I honestly don't understand, but then I really don't think that the song is in English so the title most likely isn't either. Songs like this reach down into a person and (if you can connect with the music style) find a specific emotion to grab. I have a hard time figuring out what emotion this one grabs. Maybe it is a form of nostalgia, it kind of feels that way. Maybe it brings a childlike wonder as I watch the contents of the video. Maybe it's just creativity in what it shows. A reversal of the norm, a peak into something unexpected and (most importantly) very believable.

We, or I, often naturally look at age in a basic way unless something forces us to break the mold. I see birth followed by a middle and then it's all downhill so to speak. (I mean this in a general way and not a guarantee of course of how a life is lived.) Let's be honest I don't see many people acting as these do in the video, but that is why it is so striking to me. This video (and the song that drives it) break that mold and reveal a new world that was hiding inside of it. A place where the elderly act like children, valuing and enacting the times once forgotten to them. Battles over "turf", which I remember having. Creating makeshift weapons and armor, which I also did. Knocking on a door and running, which everyone has done before. Even jumping in puddles and flirting openly within their groups. These are not the things I think of when I think elderly, but the song does an amazing job of reaching in and searching for that spot where the inner child lives. Once poked and awakened (and in combination with the video) it is hard not to smile and giggle with appreciation of the events unfolding. Or at least it was for me...

Game on!

Forgive me if I sound nuts or cryptic here, these are just my rambled thoughts unraveling.

So...I'm sure it taunts us all, but it is awfully loud when it comes calling on me. Usually it is in the night, before I sleep or even at times waking me from my slumber. Parts of this have gone on my whole life while other parts have only happened about 4 times in the past, oh, 3 years I guess. For me it is at times a sharp and distinct voice, but most often a muttering or a whispering. I used to think it was wind or a fan or a vent in a room or even the electronic hum of something, but after all these years and all these nights I am sure it isn't so simple. When I was young it came often, the whispering, always in bed when the ears are sharper and the ambient noises are down. Something a child might even manage to convince himself is the "boogie man" or the old monster under the bed. As a child I even convinced myself it was nothing since it was never really a scary thing to me until just a few years back, when things got ugly. Waking up in the night, under a clear spiritual attack on two separate occasions. I called out to the Lord with haste and was comforted, protected. Had I not, it might have continued. Had it continued I would have been in trouble. I'm sure you have felt it at some point, that kind of spiritual or moral sapping of strength. Shaken and terrified by an person or an act. A time when your body might be fine, but your heart and soul are under attack. Not easy to explain, I know, so let's move on.

Whatever it was it left for a year and now has returned. This time not looking for a surprise attack it seems more bold. As I lay in bed twice this past week the whispers came loud enough to make my legs go numb from fear. This time accompanied by another noise. I couldn't place it, but it was in league with the whisper and not an outside addition by the trains or the highway. Last night was especially bad though, as I took a moment to steady myself and possibly ignore it (as has been successful many years ago) the second noise came in. I made a bit of noise myself as to stand my ground, but apparently I only provoked it. It got louder and moved around as never before. I wanted to get up and hit the light, but was honestly too afraid and my body had gone cold. So, I called out for the 4th time to God for help and yet again it had worked, the whispers quieted.

Unfortunately it only did so for a time. As I calmed down and attempted to sleep my nightstand (with the alarm clock on it) rattled and my eyes flew open in surprise, but my body didn't move a muscle. It did so again and I made some noise again, but as soon as I finished it began again. So again I called out to God for assistance and this time with a more sincere need. God acted and took away the danger, giving me back my strength in the following moments, but I had been shaken too much by then and I had to get up. I went and got my old stereo and brought it back into the room to put WJTL on. (This is an old trick I used to quiet the whispers as it helps to have a lullaby of praise playing even if only as a support.)

So I realized a difference in how I "call out" to God. Times 1, 2, and 5 were from my very depths as I was wholly invested in that cry. Time 4 was only half hearted and almost casual. Time 3 I think falls in between some where, but it did work. So I have to think, as with so much of our faith, we must be all in and honest in our dealings with God. (He doesn't want our second best, our B game.) It's not that He doesn't hear or doesn't act however, as times 3 and even 4 yielded results that my own voice had not, but I think even in this He knows where our hearts are at. If we are truly requesting help or just expecting Him to come and save us.

Of course many people believe many things about our world (its realities and natures) I retain my own opinions formed of experience and based on Biblical narrative. Some think that their are no ghosts or spirits and others can't seem to get away from them no matter how hard they try. Some choose to chase them as if they were a harmless game while others fear them and what they may be capable of. I say this to get it off my chest, but also to advise those who chase after these things and treat them as if a toy or a game. This is more dangerous then playing in traffic. While your body is temporary your soul is not and while your body can heal with medicine your spirit is far more fragile a thing. Be warned, this is no game.

If you are one who doesn't believe in these things I'll just say, thank you for reading. I'm not posting for the purpose of convincing anyone here. Take what you can from it.

Random Notes (#70)

So, this is about action. No, I amnot here to deliver the promised evangelism rants yet. This is a reflection on the action of a motivated and faithful believer. That which all should aspire to and achieve.

I have seen, in the last months, a rather large calling placed upon believers around me and yes even myself, the reluctant servant. I have been called to many things, but of them one has stood out. It risks a close friendship and yet must be done regardless of my feelings. This matter I am supposed to approach my friend on is no small one. It is infact no less than an accusation and rebuking of his hearts desire. Oh the torment I have felt over this, but it is clear to my heart what must be done and the Spirit has pushed me once to act already. Though I failed and floundered I did give it a go, but apparently God was only pleased with the effort and not the delivery because He has asked me to do it over. If I am to lose my friend, it will be.

As I ponder my situation I take notice to those around me rising up one after the next, ready or not, and taking on tasks that God requires of them. Maybe this has always been and I was just blind to it. Maybe He is calling this generation to move from its complacency. In either case we surge forward, reaching out as His messengers and servants. I have seen on the same topic as the one I face (mentioned above) a group of Christian friends rally and invest themselves deeply in the outcome of the matter which I am bound to now. It softens my heart to see the true concern and the willingness to risk loss for the sake of another. This is a Christ centered community in action. While the message is not well received (and perhaps not always well delivered) they surge forward still. On another front I have seen a man receive a calling to his own family of late and respond with a minimum of (perhaps even no) hesitation. For the sake of his love he moved into the unknown, holding hope and delivering a message. A wonderful sign of the times and of a persons commitment to not only our beliefs, but also to the love that we hold.

The most potent of all these examples however is to be found in another dear friend. As time has passed, action (which was once my friends strong suit) became a weakness, lost to attributes of peace and optimism. Yet through regeneration that once strong trait has returned and now with guidance of God leading it. I am amazed, as I can count the instances I debate and miss I see the decisiveness and assurance of my friends actions. I also have seen the fruit of her loyalty and it is good. And this is the strongest of all examples in my view (none are less valid of course) and this is my aspiration on the matter of following divine direction. I have been given many gifts and raised up in understanding (though I have much to learn still), but in action and bravery I have most often faltered. Daily receiving motivation to speak or act and struggling to do so...often missing divine moments. It is changing, but I wish it to be resolved and in motion already. My patients is limited when it comes to my own failures I guess.

So I wanted to raise these persons up if only briefly, because I am proud of them as my brothers and sisters. I would think that God himself has smiled on this day because of their devotion to Him and one another. Bless you my friends...

Random Notes (#62)

Has anyone spent much time researching and understanding the concept and idea of Baptism? For some reason it has moved to the forefront of my mind in the past few months on several occasions. Though I have the standard understanding of it (origins, design, and current use in our church) I do feel lacking in what I consider a clear "bible view". Not that of a denomination, but that of its uses and intent within a biblical context. Often I find that while denominations carry variations and do not agree on things, the bible does not hold more than a sole and solid view of many matters. When I need an answer this is where I go and so I went looking first by searching the bible for words like "baptize", "Baptism", and then after coming up with no hits I tried "Baptist" hoping for John the Baptist verses. Nothing came back... Honestly, I thought the search engine was broken, but it found all the other things I searched for after that. Making me wonder if I was being warded against the search itself by God, or another.

So I turned to a series of websites that I trust on presenting a clear view of these matters. These sites do not list a single view and claim that it is correct, but instead list what the groups believe and then list what the bible actually has to say about it. This leaves the process of understanding and decision to the reader (as opposed to the majority of opinion based sites) and is a decent backup when I can't find what I am looking for in the actual bible.

Anyhow, I guess this all came around because I have witnessed many debates over the years of whether we should be baptizing infants or not. This is one of the few debates I did not step in on which tells me I am still at odds with it to some degree. For example my church baptizes at infancy which is fine by me, but then does not promote it later when those persons are consenting. Truly, I would think that the act as symbolic or otherwise should be carried through by consent, not force, if it matters at all. (And I believe it does.) So does that make it wrong? No, again I have no beef with the practice, but I do think that their is merit to baptism as much today as back then and as such we must undertake it purposefully if at all.

Do I think it is required? Honestly, I have no reason to believe it is a requirement for salvation. No in fact, I do not believe it is a requirement for salvation at all as that matter rests in belief of Christ and repentance of sins, salvation is however followed by regeneration. The catch here is not in the goal of salvation, but in the power of the Holy Spirit and the regeneration aspect which follows. Do I believe that my infant baptism delivered me in some fashion to the God I now serve and that the Spirit dwells within me today? Yes I do, and it is visible in my past as a non-believer as well as what my life is becoming day to day as a believer. So does that mean that the Holy Spirit landed on me as an infant? Does this mean I do not need confess and submit of my own volition? Seeing as I have been saved, commissioned, and am in the processes of regeneration already and have bore wittiness to the Spirits work in my life I have to assume that none of these concerns matter now. That the process did in fact not require my consent those many years ago.

That does of course go against what I had always thought however and so it is not easy to truly take in. As such I hold concern that I might need to go through it again if only for myself, as a consenting adult. Not for salvation sake or for a show to the people, but instead so that I might worship God in this way. Submitting as a man willfully and joyfully.

These are just some thoughts that passed through my mind again today. If you have not been baptized then it is important you do even if you see it as symbolic alone, but if you have as a child then you are in the same spot I am. Grateful of course, but left without firm biblical understanding of your role now in this regard.

God Bless,
-Dan

Random Notes (#41)

Today (Sunday) I woke up and went with a small group from church to another church service over in the colonial park area. To my knowledge we are getting guidance and help in beginning our own contemporary service and they have been quite helpful. I was not overcome by the setting as we walked in, but I admit even being in a gym it was not uncomfortable. Something in the air. We sat down and I took the time to look around at things, drinking it in, studying it. I liked it. It seemed to cover all the basics and was welcoming enough.

After it all started the music came on and people were buzzing, we began to sing a bit and it really moved me. More than traditional hymns do. I found that at moments in certain songs (we sang several) my eyes swelled to bursting and my lips trembled a bit. I had to stop momentarily to gather myself. Just kept clapping along in the interim. It dawned on me, as before, that as much as I like to speak and sing of God, I am either deeply in love or deeply broken inside. Why else would a man be moved to weep by these things. The songs were not about me or related to me, but were of praise. Likewise, speaking of God in a group or intimate setting often takes me down a peg or two, forcing me to pause and collect myself.

Even though I spent the whole time taking mental notes on the setting I still carried much out of the sermon. It was presented much like I would present a topic to someone online. A topic, anger, was presented and to make the point scripture verses were brought out and explained that would teach a biblical lesson on it, a God view. It was well done. Anger is something I had long struggled with, especially in my high school years. I think of how quick I used to get upset and how aggressive I would be in my tone to others or my action when behind closed doors. It was not healthy that I allowed such things and of the many deep down changes God has enforced on me I am quite glad for that one. Peace is no stranger these days, though I do still lose sight of it in worry over things I do or did not do. Anyway, for those out there who might find the topic of interest I have listed the verses so you can do a little reading.

Psalm 37:8
Proverbs 30:33
Proverbs 22:24
Colossians 3:8
Ephesians 4:26-27
Romans 8:12-13
Philippians 4:12-13

So, afterwards we were introduced to the worship leaders and a few of the band members there and they were a nice bunch of people. We helped put the chairs away and then went to lunch to talk about the event. It was a good time and I'm glad I went.

Pen Stroke and Page

Ok, finally it has happened. I am reading! I gathered books that were all half finished and already got through two of them this past week. One more to go! (^_^) Of the books finished their is the one recently posted on called "12 Ordinary Men" which was absolutely brilliant in my opinion. Not the best book I've read, but I've never felt so close to the disciples nor have I understood them as so close to me. The other book was called "Glow in the dark" and was (as the title depicts) a book about growing into maturity and then letting it out into the world. It was a very good book, the likes of a Max Lucado book I think, but didn't press on me any more than a Max book would. Not that I am complaining about Max, he's awesome, but their is a difference I am aware of personally. While I am moved by Max and find support/encouragement in similar writings, I have never been more moved than by Erwin McManus. Not yet anyhow. None-the-less, all great books.

In addition to those fun reads I have undertaken the books of the bible again. I have read the majority before, at some point, but most I couldn't tell you about now. I just don't remember and I know how wrong that is so, while others around me have mentioned and decided to read it, I to will do so. Genesis, Exodus and the Gospels I know very well so I decided to start instead with the minor prophets and work backwards through the Old Testament. Most of these are the books I had not read or been in studies on. As I read, about one a night, I am writing my thoughts down on it and while most are not very inciteful I thought I'd post them as I go.

So far I have gotten through Habakkuk, Zephaniah, Haggai, and Malachi skipping Zechariah because of it's size. I will go back to it later though. Ok, that's all for now. God Bless.

The Doubting Thomas?

Not so says author and researcher John MacAuthur. In his book the 12 Ordinary Men, he breaks down each disciple based on the information at hand and in doing so has made a truly inciteful work. If you have interest in getting a feel for who the disciples were as individuals and as they were transformed please go and read this book. It was given to me as a gift some time ago, but in my laziness I had only managed halfway. With this new found push for reading and developing worthy and enjoyable habits to replace the old I have come back to finish reading it. I should be done tonight, but before I do that I wanted to share what the author says about the disciple Thomas. A man who has become identified as doubtful because of his reaction to Jesus's resurrection. A title unfounded and undeserved as we will see.

Thomas was in actuality a pessimist of sorts, I am a bit of one myself, and as with many of the disciples he is only mentioned to any real extent in John. He was most likely a twin whose sibling was not mentioned. (Taken from John 11:16 "Didymus") This book does not spend time explaining his career choices or his family life as with most of the others. Instead it focuses on his character. While most of us feel the ability to relate to the disciples most of us do not really know who they were beyond their names and what is written plainly in the Bible. Looking at their character, their natures, is a harder thing to do.

Thomas has been attributed a nature of doubt, but a doubting man does not offer his life, unto death, for a stranger and a crazy one at that. (In truth Jesus was hardly either, but the world saw Him as such.) The book uses the account of Lazarus to paint the picture of Thomas's true nature.

From John 10:40 all the way through to John 11:15 it unfolds the scene. Jesus and the disciples are well outside Jerusalem, out where John the Baptist did his thing. They were baptizing people by the fistfull and news came of Lazarus, Jesus friend and loved one. He was told that Lazarus was sick and dieing and that Jesus should come and help. Jesus said He would, but then hung out for a few days. Giving Lazarus time to die. (To the greater glory of God as healing the sick makes a lesser statement than resurrecting the dead.) The disciples are not eager to get back to that area because as far as they know they will be found and stoned to death. Such is part of why they left to begin with. Though they had no real choice in the matter Thomas spoke up in John 11:16, "Let us go, that we may die with Him."

Say what? The downer said this? The doubter said this? Sorry but no. I see no doubt in his words. I'm not saying he didn't believe he was going to die, but that he was willing to, in fact desired, to die with Christ. That is far from doubt.

To further the point the book then jumps to the much thought of moment that Thomas saw Jesus after the resurrection. We see Thomas saying, no way man I have to test this I can't just believe it, and we say boo bad Thomas. Why though? When the Mary's brought word of the resurrection to them they said we do not believe. When Jesus appeared in a barricaded room after having been beaten, hung up, stabbed, and buried what did they say? With Him standing in from of them He showed them His wounds as proof. Then they believed. Not prior does it say they trusted or had faith, but only after proof. Yet we have attributed to a good man a doubtful persona. He requests to see the same proof they had been given and believes.

It also mentions in the book of Thomas's panic when Jesus claimed that He was going on in John 14:5. A man who was ready beyond the others to follow Jesus into the hands of death was terrified that he would not be able to find Jesus after He left. Another aspect it mentions is Thomas's nature to pull away from the group when his heart was broken by the death of Christ. How when all the others gathered to comfort each other as a family, Thomas wandered and sulked on his own unable to handle the others with his grief. While we might jump to the conclusion that he was a negative-nelly or melany-melancholy because of his reaction we forget that a broken heart is a painful thing. Thomas loved Jesus so fully that for him it was too much to bear at once. He had to flee it all, the disciples, the tomb, and work through it all.

Throughout these few pages a portrait of a man not often thought of is painted. A man who has hope and bravery, but has a nature that holds him to deep emotional stress and a pessimistic outlook in some regards. Is he who you thought he was? He wasn't who I thought...

God Bless,-Dan

Random Puzzle Bits

Welcome to the actual update!

Gamers Call- As for matters outside my usual train of thought, a new game came out recently Neverwinter 2. Wow, it looks great and holds countless potential for lost time, heh. My friends have already gotten it and started building another online world for people to play on. Grand aspirations and I hope they find it to be worthwhile in the end. I know that doing those things, at least for me, is only fun for a time, but unlike many projects a persona can take this one is connected to other people. In that way it is much harder to stop when you get tired of it. As Astro said, it becomes like work. Still, it is cool to see it develop and cool to think that people from all over will be playing on it when they get it ready. I haven't even bought it yet and I'm not sure I want to. I don't have time really. Between this one and a race game that's in the works I could loose months of time. Precious time. Though I dodged the bullet on the game itself I was still happy to work on the website for it. Sheesh, I love working on these things, but I always dream bigger than I can actually manage. It's not that the layout is bad or that the functionality is bad, I just keep thinking it looks weak. It needs something and I can't place it. Usually I'd make up for it by going into design mode, but it has a theme that is limiting to me so that is not an option. Much like my drawing ability, I dream something impressive and then fall short in application, wondering what I missed or why it didn't work. Oh well. (^_^)

Rekindling- I actually took time recently to draw a couple of things. Man it was a great release for me even though it was apparent that I hadn't sketched in years. If I can take time to do some more maybe I'll make a post to showcase my poor excuse for artistic talent, LOL. Haven't read any books recently. It makes me a bit sad actually. Drawing and reading are so important to me and yet even without TV and games I never take time for them. What is that about!?

Focused Efforts- So, as I had mentioned earlier, I have been side tracked recently on a forum. The forum is called Youth on the Rock (YOTR) and is titled and directed for "Christian Students" though that title is more vague than you might think. It is overall a good place with good people, as most are. It is not however a safe haven of Christianity as I always assume when I read "Christian Forum" in the title. Coming from that other forum, an atheist forum, where it was flat out spiritual warfare this place is calm and polite. Keeping that in mind I got very worked up at some of the Theology I found on the YOTR forum, as I was expecting the safe haven and did not find it, not as I imagined. Don't get me wrong, the purpose and hope of it is as good as it can be without being subject to heavy admin control and I do not mean to insult its owners. It just contains and seems to accept more confusion that I would like to see.

So, like I was saying I got quite upset at what I saw. Several threads geared and in progress that attacked the credibility of the Bible, a few threads that were pushing the bad theology of the LDS church, a thread that was counting lust as an acceptable nature, and of course a handful of the same tough and poorly understood topics within our founded faith. None of this is too much to deal with though so I do feel it is rewarding to stay (as opposed to the last forum) and aid the few who are already pushing and offering sound Theology. Seeing as how their is already no shortage of good hearts I don't see a need to roam around the forums day and night posting random stuff and making a presence in that capacity. If only the two parts (loving hearts and sound theology) can find a balance then the forum would be as it aught to be, in my mind anyway.

Anyway, as these topics die down I find that my time frees up a good bit. For a few weeks their I was coming home after 8 hours and spending 6 more in front of the computer researching and putting together clear responses to those threads. It is quite rewarding but man it's demanding. As they cool off I feel the need to post on some of those topics seeing as how the confusion crosses the gamut of believers and is not necessary if we place our hope in Christ and Scripture. Promise to try not to be longwinded as I do. (^_^)

New Venture- I have been asked (again) to partake in a youth related matter. It baffles me that God would gift me as He has and then, in the midst of so many goings-on, give me a direction towards that which is so far removed from my nature or gifts. Not that the gifts wouldn't carry over. Not that He can't make it work even if I had no gifts. But why youth? I guess it does actually make sense and I do see that, but I am fighting it. IT took a lot to break down for camp and that was only a week once a year. This offer is once a week for a year and possibly a span of several years. The church recently got a youth director which it desperately needed and she is looking for help. I had skipped two offers prior to this one and yet these are the offers that come. So I am going to dive in in the next few weeks. Expect a longer and more detailed ramble later.

New Service- Also, my church is interested in creating a contemporary service the likes of which I had hoped for and I am looking to sink my hands into that project as it comes. I have read a lot about contemporary churches in the past few years, but I have not actually been to many. I think my mental vision of a contemporary service is a bit more...contemporary?...than the average for this area, but we'll see what develops. At it's core I see a need for both styles, traditional and contemporary. Neither should be to an extreme lest the people become lost to it and not to the purpose of being there. Something I'll ramble on about a bit later I'm sure.

Awkward Happiness- One of my closest friends has managed to get engaged recently and has asked me to be part of the wedding which I was so excited about. He is having a bit of resistance though by those around him and I kind of feel bad about it. Oddly enough the resistance is not coming from his family but from his friends in Christ. To be honest I am counted among them and though I'd like to go into it he may not appreciate that, so I won't. We only have concerns and though they may seem as opposition they are not invalid. They are also born of love for him and his new fiancee(sp?). They are a great couple it seems and I pray the best for them as their wedding date approaches. I only mention it all because I am both happy and concerned about it all. Tough spot to be in, I'll have to give it up to God again as it is too much for me.

Ok, well that is a good bit of updates. Their is more, but somethings do not belong here. God Bless.

A Holding Pattern

Hi everyone! Sorry I have been so absent the past several weeks. It seems that everytime I get into it on a forum I direct all my writing ability to that effort. It certainly takes all I have sometimes. That being said I have several things to post on here, but I have lots of things that need attention in the real-world right now and that is bound ot slow me down. Until I can get to some of these things I'll leave you with an updated November playlist, on the right. 4 Very good songs from 4 very impressive artists. Enjoy!

God Bless,
-Dan