Game on!

Forgive me if I sound nuts or cryptic here, these are just my rambled thoughts unraveling.

So...I'm sure it taunts us all, but it is awfully loud when it comes calling on me. Usually it is in the night, before I sleep or even at times waking me from my slumber. Parts of this have gone on my whole life while other parts have only happened about 4 times in the past, oh, 3 years I guess. For me it is at times a sharp and distinct voice, but most often a muttering or a whispering. I used to think it was wind or a fan or a vent in a room or even the electronic hum of something, but after all these years and all these nights I am sure it isn't so simple. When I was young it came often, the whispering, always in bed when the ears are sharper and the ambient noises are down. Something a child might even manage to convince himself is the "boogie man" or the old monster under the bed. As a child I even convinced myself it was nothing since it was never really a scary thing to me until just a few years back, when things got ugly. Waking up in the night, under a clear spiritual attack on two separate occasions. I called out to the Lord with haste and was comforted, protected. Had I not, it might have continued. Had it continued I would have been in trouble. I'm sure you have felt it at some point, that kind of spiritual or moral sapping of strength. Shaken and terrified by an person or an act. A time when your body might be fine, but your heart and soul are under attack. Not easy to explain, I know, so let's move on.

Whatever it was it left for a year and now has returned. This time not looking for a surprise attack it seems more bold. As I lay in bed twice this past week the whispers came loud enough to make my legs go numb from fear. This time accompanied by another noise. I couldn't place it, but it was in league with the whisper and not an outside addition by the trains or the highway. Last night was especially bad though, as I took a moment to steady myself and possibly ignore it (as has been successful many years ago) the second noise came in. I made a bit of noise myself as to stand my ground, but apparently I only provoked it. It got louder and moved around as never before. I wanted to get up and hit the light, but was honestly too afraid and my body had gone cold. So, I called out for the 4th time to God for help and yet again it had worked, the whispers quieted.

Unfortunately it only did so for a time. As I calmed down and attempted to sleep my nightstand (with the alarm clock on it) rattled and my eyes flew open in surprise, but my body didn't move a muscle. It did so again and I made some noise again, but as soon as I finished it began again. So again I called out to God for assistance and this time with a more sincere need. God acted and took away the danger, giving me back my strength in the following moments, but I had been shaken too much by then and I had to get up. I went and got my old stereo and brought it back into the room to put WJTL on. (This is an old trick I used to quiet the whispers as it helps to have a lullaby of praise playing even if only as a support.)

So I realized a difference in how I "call out" to God. Times 1, 2, and 5 were from my very depths as I was wholly invested in that cry. Time 4 was only half hearted and almost casual. Time 3 I think falls in between some where, but it did work. So I have to think, as with so much of our faith, we must be all in and honest in our dealings with God. (He doesn't want our second best, our B game.) It's not that He doesn't hear or doesn't act however, as times 3 and even 4 yielded results that my own voice had not, but I think even in this He knows where our hearts are at. If we are truly requesting help or just expecting Him to come and save us.

Of course many people believe many things about our world (its realities and natures) I retain my own opinions formed of experience and based on Biblical narrative. Some think that their are no ghosts or spirits and others can't seem to get away from them no matter how hard they try. Some choose to chase them as if they were a harmless game while others fear them and what they may be capable of. I say this to get it off my chest, but also to advise those who chase after these things and treat them as if a toy or a game. This is more dangerous then playing in traffic. While your body is temporary your soul is not and while your body can heal with medicine your spirit is far more fragile a thing. Be warned, this is no game.

If you are one who doesn't believe in these things I'll just say, thank you for reading. I'm not posting for the purpose of convincing anyone here. Take what you can from it.