Of dreams and tears (part 1)

Sometimes I wonder what "normal" is. What makes something normal? Is it that it is the middle ground, without extreams, or is it simply whereever the majority stand? I also wonder how often we as a people think about this "majority rules" and how often we as individuals make an effort to see from a non-"normal" perspective. Do you give someone the eyeball when they tell you something you haven't lived yet, something seemingly outrageous? How about when they tell you about something you've already been through? Why the seperation? Should you be so quick to deal out a "no way" or "I really doubt that" when you and I have seen the roles reversed more than once? Why? Shouldn't we have an open mind, be it a discerning one, regardless of the story you are hearing or the person it comes from.

"Ok, Dan what are you getting at?" (^_^) The further I go down this road the stranger life is becoming. An adventure of sorts, full of wonder and peril. From an outside perspective I don't think their is much of interest in my life, but as with you all, their is more underneath than anyone can guess. (A situation no doubt aggravated by my quiet nature. Thank goodness for this site, those with interest have learned more about me in the past year than ever before because of it.) The point I'm reaching is that this story is not going to sound normal and so, as always, read with an open mind. Make your own decisions afterward.

Of late I have not slept well. I wake up nearly as tired as I fall asleep. It's these dreams. Some have purpose and are revealed to me over the course of the day while others are simply chaos. People I know and places I have been collide with people and places I have never seen. Personalities warp and danger lurks. Sometimes I am the person, other times I am a floater, and sometimes I am me. Though "me" in a dream like that is subject to mean anything or anyone. The dreams, though stopping me from sleeping properly, are simply dreams and do not haunt my days for the most part. Most of the time they don't even wake me, but they have gotten worse over the past few months.

"So what. They are just dreams." Ok, now for the weirdness... Twice now in the past few weeks I have woken from my sleep, but not from a dream. Two of the most peacefull nights I have had of late actually, but when I wake I am overcome with fear. Their is no talking myself down and I fail to rationalize it or disasemble it which is impressive for me, imo. It is as if something is after my very core in that moment. Something real and something near. No I dont see anything and no I dont hear anything, not then anyway, but I know its there much in the same way you know when someone is in the room with you without looking. Or in the way you know who is on the phone before you answer it. You just know. Anyway, this "thing" does not intend the best for me and within a matter of seconds I close my eyes and call out. I do not engage whatever it might be. Whether it is simply something within me or something else. I called out to God twice in the past 3 weeks, in the darkness and in utter fear. Within seconds of asking for Him to help me and reassuring myself with His power I was protected. I was able to relax and with a word of praise fall back to sleep.

Now it could be said that it is simply something in my life that is effecting my subconcious. It could be said that I am dreaming horrible things these night but not remembering when I wake. It could be said that I am trembling from the nightmares even though I do not remember haveing them. It could also be said that I am hunted or haunted by something. That what we see is not all their is in this world and that this life as we know it is not the only thing their is. I suppose it depends on where you stand and what you are willing to believe. Make your own choices by all means.

I do not believe this is a simple fight within myself. As I said, "The further I go down this road the stranger life is becomeing." and the more I subject myself to these beliefs the more active some things have become so I doubt this will stop any time soon. It has not gone without effect on me, which is why I mention it, but fear not. The dark is not all their is and it is not as strong as the light regardless of its clout. This weekend (and in a few like it) I was down on strength and in need of help. Much as my friends would try I am not one to take their help easily. No disrespect to them, I love them for trying, but it is not a job for them to do most of the time. This past weekend while I pondered my future of dreams an tears I was blessed with a reminder. On a dark day the clouds broke for a short time revealing two vibrant rainbows, one directly over the other. I had to say thank you quietly while my friend struggled on to raise my spirits. For those of you who do not know, rainbows are a biblical sign from God that acts as a reminder and a promise that He will never flood the world again. (The whole world not part of it.) To those who believe in Him and His promises this simple rainbow can mean so much more if we want. He knew I was week and that I needed help again. He did just that. He reminded me of who I was and who He was.

...and all He had to do was part the sky and use every color in the rainbow to do it.