Soul Stealers Legacy

(Warning, longest post ever written. Sorry but there was no alternative.)

The father of lies has been busy indeed! Has anyone else spent any real time reading up on this disaster called Scientology? Seriously, if you ever need a modern day example of a wolf in sheeps clothing look no further. As if I were someone with an abundance of time on my hands I spent the last 2 or 3 days reading every bit of info I could take in on this group and believe me, even though they have fought hard to remove this information, it is quite available to someone searching. By info I am reffering to the truth behind the lies and the mad wizard behind the curtain, orchestrating the chaos. As I read and got deeper and deeper into peoples accounts/testemonies, court documents, and note worthy articles that have been published over time I as well as some inside info that is nothing less than shocking I am taken by a bit of disbelief that a group as this, lead by a man shuch as that, was able (and still is) to remain in the shadows as it is, let alone thrive as it has. So as I read and became more aware of the groups actions and intent as well as history it dawned on me that, to most of us, all we see is the tip of the iceberg. Whether it be the dianetics book in the bookstore, the absurdity of Tom Cruise, or a "free stree test"/"free personality test" in a local mall or grocery store. That's the extent of what we know, but to be honest that is far from the truth. A truth that we really aught to know.

Note: I will not be siteing other websites or copies of actual articles and court documents, nor will I be directly quoting those advocating or defending Scientology as I have no real interest at the time of being attacked by the CoS (Church of Scientology) or RTC (Religious Technology Center) though I am quite ernestly opposed to the CoS and in both it's form and function and in truth I would like to see the CoS and it's affiliate groups be disbanded and abandoned. Ok, back to the point...

The movement of Scientology as we know it today was, nearly entirely, written by L Ron Hubbard back in the 50's while Hubbard was a struggling sic-fi writter, among other things. The book 'Dianetics' was published and adopted as a pseudoscience and an alternative to psychology and psychiatry, both of which Hubbard had written about and had been a vocal opposition to. Over a relatively small period of time Hubbard had gathered a large group of followers which had fallen into his grip haveing been offered hope and power for money. For help in keeping this simple I am breaking it down to a few topics I think are most important. (By no means is this all the info and I wouldn't be surprised if I got the specifics of something confused.)

-The catch: On the outside Scientology seems to be a selfhelp system of sorts (not unlike many other psuedosciences or new age concepts that have come along over the past 50 years) while in fact the story is very different on the other side of the fence. The highly escoteric (secretive) nature of the group is why people go to it at all. It puts on a mask of happy helpers while underneath beats the heart of a vicious animal. To be blunt, the core beliefs of scientology contain a sci-fi story designed by a poorexample of a human being, not to mention a poor write at as well. A story (written in sci-fi lingo) of a glactic space battle, parallel universes, H-bombs in volcanos blowing up frozen people (refered to as Incedent II), a god-like being called Xenu who is now trapped in a mountain by a forcefield, brain-washing movies that are the reason we are in need of help (refered to as R6), invisible creatures that are attached to us and keep us from being more than we are now (refered to as BT or Body Thetans) and the idea that we are all Gods underneath a layer of BTs. All of which had been set in motion some several quadrillian years ago after a (poorly written) version of the 'big bang meets biblical creation' story. If people were told outright about this core teaching, how many would come? I'm thinking very few would and the very fact that it is kept secret until so much time and money has been invested leads any normal person to the conclusion that Scientology knows it's full of crap, but is more concerned with making progress in finance and power than the lives of its followers.

-On the inside: Within the system of Scientology their are levels a person can achieve. Information is given about a level only as a person achieves the said level. In the early stages a person simply pays money to the group for 'auditing' which is another way of saying they are analysed and then directed as to the steps they need to take to remove BT's (Body Thetans) from their person. Over time (and money) a person will reach a point where they can move up to the next level called OT I (Operating Thetan I). From this point on the person is slowly handed the information which had been kept secret until this point. As their level increases so to will the distance between them and the truth about the core beliefs grow shorter. By the tiem they reach OT III they are able to hear some rather rediculous stories about the universe. The highest level that I know of it OT VIII which I was horrified to read as it reveals in Hubbards own words about how he essentialy deams himself the anti-christ (as well as God) whos job is to bring about a second coming among other things. This last OT section is, like it or not, an affront to all that christ (and his people) stand(s) for not to mention a paragraph in which Hubbard explains how Christ was a hateful pedophile. I would be willing to make the assumption that many leave the goup between the stages of OT III and OT VIII. Please God, I pray they do.

-Legalities: The CoS and it's many tentacle-like affiliation groups have always been in the spotlight for legal problems. For starters they have been to court thousands of times to harass and destroy opponents (those who have written in opposition to them) both in large and small scale. It is a term of fair game, which they do no longer claim to have yet still seem to practice. (By Hubbards own volition he wrote that the group was to always take the offense, never the defense and since the group is one of the most powerfull in terms of money they have used the legal system as their sword and hammer for years. Many have won against them, but many more have lost or settled to avoid being destroyed and no I'm not just talking about financialy. The group often has been known to fabircate lies about a person to get them jailed or to intimidate them to back down.) At times members, including Hubbard's wife have been arrested for various charges in relation to the group. They have taken the IRS among other governments offices to court to get their way. Often for the sake of taxe exepmt status as a church which they are clearly not. Somehow they manage to get their way eventually as most people and groups run out of steam well before the scientologists do. The lists of court cases and the trail of bodies left in the wake is truly immense. Some of the most noteable messes the CoS has gotten into, at least publicaly, have been Operation Feakout, Operation Snow White, The Fishman Affidavit, and the Fair Game policy they once claimed in plain view. Their is also a long list of FBI information which is public domain about Hubbard as they had been keeping tabs on the group throughout its existance. Currently the CoS is trying to take on the internet itself or more accuratly, those who post information both about and against Scientology. Though some sites have withstood the onslaught most have had to close down and spread the info underground. Still, all we need do is search to find. ;)

-Hubbard himself: It is hard, if not impossible, to discover the truth about Hubbard through his advocates as most either have been tought to believe the lies about his life while others choose to stick to the outrageous or rediculous claims that have been made about him over the years, building him into a virtual hero or sorts. Much of this is built of half-truths or bold lies. In truth he was a nothing more than a struggling writter who lucked out so to speak when he published Dianetics in 1950. Over time the popularity grew and so did its finances until '53 when Hubbard decided that it was a religion. After that he moved over to Europe and founded the CoS headquarters in Sussex. Eventually, after a time he stepped down from the head of CoS and became a recluse until his death in '86 though the reasons for his removal from the CoS as well as the matter of his death are the center of debate to this day, as if the rest of his legacy isn't. Throughout what I have read, which includes accounts of ex-Scientologists, Hubbard faimly members, and Hubbards own writings, a desperate and confused man was given authority over other men and in doing so he turned from a man to a monster. Involved in things from drugs to abortion to espionage and even included black magic, or the attempt at it anyway. Most if not all of this information came from his own son who now has broken away from the group and has been on the run , so to speak, for many years.

I'd love to get more specific over all this especially if it would help prove or help to understanding, but to be honest it can't be done without quoteing people and I said I wouldn't do that.

A wing and a Prayer

*burp* Well I just got back from a little outing some of my friends from the bible study, I'm all energized and I've got a full belly. To bad it's over as I was just getting into the groove when the dinner ended. Normally I don't have wings for dinner, maybe twice a year in-fact, so this was a real treat for me. I'm sure I was quite the site as I do tend to be a messy wing eater. Seriously, it gets ugly. :)

Anyway, I just wanted to talk about so much with the group after leaving the restaurant tonight, but like I said before I was not really in the mindset at the time. No, I wasn't preoccupied with anything particular I just have no background with these things. Strange how that sounds, I have no background with hanging out with guys outside of studies or work. I know that the guys I was with tonight had a good bit of experiance just hanging out with friends in social settings and I think it makes it more comfortable off the bat for them. (Maybe, maybe not.) We talked about all kinds of things and I must say it was a pleasure to be there with them. (Not that I was expecting otherwise. ^.^ ) I honestly was just becoming accustomed to settings like bible studies, being social in a group like that. Now there is a whole other group setting to get familiar with. (Why when I say that does it sound stupid?) Whatever, I am really looking forward to the next gettogether though it will probably not be until after Easter. Until then I am just going to write down the topics and questions I have for them and hopefully I'll remember it for the next time. At any rate it was so nice to sit and have dinner with some young Christian men like myself. Talking about what is happening in our lives and laughing while at the same time being quite availiable for matters of more serious nature. Of course I won't say what these topics where as their lives should not be aired like so much laundry. My topics however are always ready to be aired. Almost always. ^_^

So...what's new. Well, I have three posts coming soon (or I intend to anyway) on various topics and happenings, but until then I will just mention that the two ideas from "the list" (mentioned not so many posts ago) have taken root to some degree and I have hope that they will both grow nicely, if only for a time. I had not had much luck with trying to ask at the bible studies, in regards to the groups going out into the community to do something, as the study groups had a hard time gathering together lately. So I sent an email, which is my favorite mode of communication anyway, to both groups at once and got a wonderful responce from both groups. So in the next few days I aim to find us a job of some sort. To be honest I am a little nervous to pick one thing over another as I don't want to pick something boring or that the group will not gain anything from, but I think I'll have to just let God deal with that and lead this outing in the right direction. The other thing on the list that is starting to take shape is the ORB Project. (The link is active and is on the right side menu.) I have one church already who may be interested in some help, but I haven't spoken with anyone about it yet. It still needs a little effort to develope the game plan I guess, but at the same time I'm in a hurry to get started.

All in all I have to wonder, where am I going to get all the time (and energy) for this stuff? Let alone the things building up in my mind and heart. I need an army of clones or something just for these things. I'm afraid I haven't even touched my school work in two weeks now, which is not cool, but their are so many things that seem to need done. Opportunities and the like that I would hate to pass up. Not to mention taking time for myself to just cool down and re-energize.

A shame to be ashamed

So I assume we all get those emails from time to time. Many of us know someone who believes in God and who is always forwarding emails along with messeges. Or maybe they aren't God realated at all, but still you get forward after forward. Now some people like those things, but I get the feeling that most don't. It's not that we don't like the inspirational messeges in them or the facts or the jokes (most of the time). I think a lot of us get annoyed by the frequencey of them and, above that even, the ending to the majority of them. Stupid stuff like "pass this to 10 people in ten minutes and your wish will come true." or "don't delet this or it will bring bad luck." Personally, I can't stand that. Even when the forward has such a wonderful thing to say I most often delete them simply because of the ending tag line. Once in a rare while I'll pass along one if it's realy good but not before deleting teh tag line at the end. That way it doesn't end badly for the next person who gets it. It should be about choice, as with everything else, I think. If the contents inspire you and you want to pass it on so be it but seriously, theirs no need for an idiotic tag line like that.

Today I recieved two email forwards. One was an image of Jesus's obituary which was pretty cool I thought. It was made up to look like someone cut it from an old newspaper and scanned it. At the end of it the tag line said, "Pass this on to all who know Jesus." which made complete sense to me as those who don't know him would not really appreciate it, most likely. The other email was of a poem called the "new school prayer" and was quite good in all truth. It just pointed out the state of affairs in the freedoms vs. religion debate. It was a bit long so I won't post it here, but the tag line was far more impacting than the poem itself. (To me anyway.) It read, "Jesus said, 'If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you before my Father.'" Potent tag line for a believer. I wanted to make sure it read that way (though their was little doubt) and I found in Luke 9:26 "If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels."

Sheesh, how's that for a kick in the gut? (^_^) It seems that our shame to be what we claim to be is a problem for most of us, though I couldn't guess how many consider it from day to day. Emails are just one example of this. So, I know that I do the talk and the walk, but so very often I find myslef shying away from an unbelieving world. It is often subtle and easily rationalized, but not proper. Do you know what I mean? Are you like me? Jesus's words are as true today as ever. They have not changed and have not become less appropriate, but we have learned our place is not in the light but instead right on the edge of the light. Right where we can say, "I believe and I care, but it isn't necessary to go that far.", as we hope silently that we are right. Self assuring ourselves that the person simply didn't want to hear it anyway or wasn't receptive enough yet. I've been that person many times and it can be tricky indeed as their is some truth in the lie. After you've offered to talk, you've asked for caution with language, and made yourself known that you take this seriously just how often do you try? Do you try at all when the responce was a firm "No." I mean of course prayer will stay, but action? If you're like me you work that angle like a crutch. It becomes your excuse to not do it and yet it is so worng at its core.

Now, of course I'm not saying that livign well isn't good or that we have to do everything perfect, but boil it down for me and for you. Do you turn down the chirstian music when around others? Do you talk about a movie or book that is of christian base with groups of non-believers? Do you tell someone to watch what they say when they drop a "G.D." or a "J.C." in your presence? If so I give you credit. If so I ask for your support to those of us who do not because we need a hand in learning. For the rest of us, well, I dare you to not shy away next time. I dare you and me.

Next time I see a messege to forward that is worth forwarding I'm sticking that tag line (Luke 9:26) in at the bottom in place of the one it already has. Feel free to do the same if it seems worthy of it.

Subtle Symphony

Note: Diffcult subject ahead. Please don't take offense at this servants ramblings and opinions.

So I intended to have all but wonderful things to say tonight and I do indeed plan on getting to them, but first I was hopeing to let my mind wander over this ever imminent topic. As I type this two lives very dear to me hang in the balance. I have at the moment two very sick Grandfathers. Two very different, but very loveable men who have impacted many in the wake of their lives. Tonight as I sat at bible study with my friends I was given the opportunity to close in prayer again and though it did not come out as elequently as I intended it was a blessing to have my friends praying with me in such a time. Prayer is so potent a tool. Not easily abused, if ever, by design and yet capable of devistating the realm of possibility. Yet some things are...unavoidable.

I listen to how others have been handleing it. This delicate rhythm built of slowing heart beats and silent cries. Some people are capable of handling it, by which I mean to say that though they are wracked with grief they are able to stand strong through it. These people, dare I say, are either assured in some fashion or capable of great acceptance. It is often harder for me to watch those around me faulter and fall due to the circumstances than it is to sit beside the one whos song has come to its closing.

By contrast I admit I am only partialy wounded by the state of affairs my Grandfathers are in. I am prepared, not oblivious. I am assured, not rebelious. (I am NOT implying anything to any reader.) Truly it is not death that scares me but the transition. No one want's to watch their mother, brother, or friend deteriorate because we know it plain sucks. It is not fuzzy bunnies and ice cream. So I am truly saddened by the struggle if not the outcome. I'm sure that sounds in some way to be shallow or without care, perhaps even a shade heartless in the midst of these days. If it does I am sorry, please forgive me.

Truly though life is like many things among metaphores, I like to think of it as a song for the moment. A subtle opening with a gentle beat, blossoming into waves of either a melodic symphony or a cacophony of mis-smatched sounds. The ending though is one we will not avoid. As the beats count down we grip each other for support in our weakness, in our helplessness. Most of all in our horrible anticipation of the moment that the beat will stop and this song will end. We should know, and many of us do, that no song lasts through the ages save for the song of salvation. A song which played since their was a man to play it to and will continue for those yet to come. Take solace in this if you can and when you can. Know that every beat is divinely composed and harmoniously delivered weather you like the sound...or not. For some it won't matter that this is true. It will simply be too hard to take a deep breath between the gasps. Understandable, not every song ends well and not every song ends when we want, but like the song says. "...And life's like an hourglass glued to the table..."

Melody of Strife

Just a creative writing piece I did today while inspired by a P.O.D. song lyric. I don't know why the modern christian rap lyrics inspired this particular work as it is far removed from modern and from any rap norms, but it did. Since I am so low on post counts this year I thought, why not. (^_^)

"Ravaged are these lands in which we live, but it was not always so. Their was a time when these streets contained nothing more than laughter and potential for those who walked them. Then came a great King from lands past the horizon. This King stood before the people as a watchtower stands before blades of grass. He offered so much through wisdom far removed from these lands and a blessing of blessings. He offered a home we have not seen and a peace we have scarecly known.

Time has passed now and all has changed since His arrival into our lands. Though this mighty King has proven to be our song of salvation, strife is the melody to which we sway. Stuggleing against the tribes and wanderers who press agaisnt the borders of these lands, threatening to overtake us. Those who carry the darkness with them did not give us cause for alarm before His arrival. It is for Him they attack us and it is for Him that we resist their onslaught. As a moth to a lamp they come in waves from the darkness, but unlike a moth they do not come to bask in its warmth. They come to extinguish the light that now illuminates matters which once sat in shadow and they come for the downfall of our precious King who dwells in the heart of our lands.

And so these lands are wiped clean at its edges over and over, much as a beach where the tide moves to and fro leaving a smooth nothing in its wake. We try to build and we loose it soon after. Such is our Kings plan, to hold fast through the these dark times despite how weak and hopeless it may seem through these peasant eyes. He has spoken of a day when His armies will come from the crest of the highlands where the clouds meet the mountains and wipe the darkness from our lands with both sword and fire...one day, but not this day. To the birds far up in the sky it would seem peacefull, perhaps even in harmony. However, to look at my lands from within it's confines is to view the battle from the edge of the knife. Quick, graceful, and chaotic.

Though it may seem that this King has brought such a harsh life into our lands, causeing us to struggle and to sacrifice our peace, let it be known that with this war has come hope, wisdom, and above all love. The peoples of these lands have united under our King. We have grown as a new nation under His rule. Forged by heat and hammer into something we couldn not realize on our own. Bless this King who has come for His people for He has been a blessing to the lands which He now inhabits."

Hints: It's an outward view of an inward land. A land connected to the old world lifestyle that I am used to gaming in. Most things represent something else, but some things are very up front.

Death by motivation

Odd title I know, but the past few days or so I find myself working on so many projects again. Spring and warmth are helping me get back into the flow of doing things, lots of things. In one sense I think I could work myself to death with projects when the motivation exists and in contrast I think I could fall into a coma and pass away when the motivation leaves. So that kind of explains the title...not that you asked.

So these days I am working on a website called "Our Responsa-biblicaly" which has been a dead link on the "Links" menu right now. It's one of the ideas I had long ago which never happened, but I didn't forget about. The site is almost finished so the link will be active soon. Part of me hopes it takes off but if it doesn't that's ok, maybe it isn't meant to. I figure that's the best additude I can have with the ideas on this list. I'll try hard but if it produces nothing so be it. So in a few weeks I should have something to write about with that project.

What else is going on...Hmmm. Oh yea, I'm back to learning sign language again. Just basic sentences. Usefull stuff. I don't know why I keep getting drawn to this language. You'd think an actual language like German or Spanish or something would be of more importance to me. I don't even have a place to use it since I don't know anyone who uses it. Whatever, it's a hobby then I guess. Speaking of things that I want to learn but often lose track of, my acoustic guitar. I am getting a strong craving to attack that head on again. It would be nice to learn at least one full song at some point, but my fingertips can't seem to take the beating from the fretboard.

Ok, is there anything else at the moment to write about as far as small updates and such. I was thinking about assembling a single group from the two small groups that comprise our bible studies to go out once or twice a month to do community service type activities. I haven't asked anyone yet, I figure over the course of the coming weeks when I actually see them I will bring it up. At the moment the thought of organizing such a group makes my stomach turn a little, nerves. I was never much for making phone calls, especially to people I don't know. Bleh! However, I have a list of places to call and go to do things as a group so if we can muster a half dozen people on a Saturday afternoon I'll have to bite the bullet. The idea of a bible study group is a great thing and I love having them, but I always wanted the same amount and variety of community activity groups. Christians (and non-Christians) grouping together to make a small difference. Even if the groups fail to make a noticable difference to the world with the acts they perform it would serve to teach people how to step outside of their lives of safety and self-indulgance. Teaching people how to take action and how to help each other out. Eventually, if such groups were as available and active as bible studies are, their would be a noticeable difference in the areas they operate. Communities could be changed for the better. Opening a flood gate of compassion and value for good deeds...or maybe I'm day-dreaming again. I'd like to find out one day.

So...that's it for now. (^_^)

Rolling Initiative

Hello everybody! Just thought I'd stop in and share a few things before bed, an early one at that.

First off I wanted to say how excited I am for the coming weeks. Spring is on its way and with it comes an energy of a different kind. Theirs something special about Spring and how it makes me feel. I realize that it is the season of new life and perhaps that's all the more their is to the phemomenon. The idea that seeing, hearing, and smelling what is regenerating in this season is enough to lift up and regenerate a person. Or at least inspire one to feel good. In any case it is hard to not feel good, to feel energetic and motivated, this time of year. Today was one of the first of 2006 that I gleamed such an energy from my surroundings. It was better than caffeen and I look forward to a few more in the near future. If you are the same way I hope you can remember to take time and enjoy it as well.

Second, this past weekend and the week prior I had been spending time trying to figure out where God wants me. What am I to do? Where does it need to be done? Who does it involve? I'm not usually so impatient with matters so large, but on this I am. Theirs no denying it. So it had come down to a realization that some time ago, over the past 4-6 years actually, I had been inspired to venture forth many times and in many ways. Most of which were thoughts and ideas that came and seemed...well, inspired. Others, a precious few, were calls from outside myself most of which I am shamed to say I ended up letting pass me by. Anyway I, in my impatients, began today writing a list of everything I was inspired to do in the past that I didn't do. I even began breaking down the forms which some of the ventures could take and steps needed to accomplish other ventures. Some things I know are now a bit useless and others simply foolish, but many are valid and I am excited by the prospect of having a direction to move into. This time the trick of it will be to not pull back. To not tell myself it isn't worth it. To not get frustrated and quit.

In a side note (that is surprisingly on topic) I did some reading tonight in the new Erwin McMannus book. I have to thank and praise God for the mysterious ways He gets the job done. Looking at this books title, after reading the first two, was like staring at an oncoming titlewave and just knowing that when it hits their will be no holding back on it's part. And so it spoke to me tonight more then the previous nights in a chapter aptly named "Initiative". I so wish to sumarize it here so you can know what it meant to me, but it is too long and none to easy to say.

To put it very simply, it said how we have trained ourselves to look and change inward and not so much outward. How we are good at recognizing problems but bad at taking on these tasks. It mentions how even the highly accomplished Christian author was at one time an observer. Afraid to get too involved. Afraid to step up to the challenges before him. It spoke of how we can sometimes find ourselves waiting, listening in the silence for a direction while all around us are needs or when we have fine ideas already brewing in our heads. And how we often think (or perhaps use as an excuse) our ideas are not God's will because we weren't given such direction in visions or dreams. We tend to second guess ourselves and consequently Him by putting forth the notion that we can manage to mess up His plans. A folly on our part. Certainly one on mine.

Tonight I'm getting some much needed extra hours of sleep and rain or shine tommorrow I'll be getting into some kind of trouble. No doubt, I'm looking forward to it.

A call to Multiclass...

...from Rogue to Monk to Cleric to...Barbarian? ^_^

Ok, I'm about fed up with this. No, I don't mean this Blog which has been steadily dwindling for months now or the Neverwinter Nights game from previous posts. I mean...well, you'll see.

Over the past I don't know 6-7 months I have gone through my usual spells. Up and down, up and down. Throughout this time I learned so very much about myself and others and in that I am most pleased. Even more so I think it has been a blessing to be able to count the downs as much a blessing as the ups.

However, I am getting very tired of my own attitude. Fearful, uncertain, and slitghly apathetic. Some who know me may not concider me such things, but I have to ask, "aren't we all to some degree?" What bothers me is this. (Surprise, it's not a short story.)

I finished a book recently by Erwin McMannus. Early on in the life of this site I read another of his books and found so much insite in it that I had to post about it. This book is twice what that one was though it's size is small by comparison. The book is aptly titled "The Barbarian Way" and further depicts the type of relationship Christ intended between Him and His followers. I am tempted to buy copies of it and hand them out to be honest. Anyway, back to the point. My life is currently a waste in terms of use. Don't over react please I am simply saying that, in my eyes and in my heart, I am missing the boat. Not in terms of a personal realationship with God or understanding and education (in those aspects I have never been better off), but in terms of action. This book is not really what set me off tonight. The months prior to tonight is what has built up inside. The realization of what is possible and what is needed coupled with my daily routine makes me split at the seams with unrest. Day to day I fight personal urges and the slippery slope of conformity to what goes on around me. If I am ambitious I read or write or take a class of some sort, but that is often the extent of it. By no means do I think these things are a mistake for a Christian. The mistake is to be held back from more...to hold yourself back from more. Of course not everyone with my beliefs feels the same. Many are happy to "just be" and many are happy to inch a little further each year. I often hoped I was one of the later (that I was content with self-improvement), but it would seem I am not. So then, why am I typing a post when needs are waiting to be met? For the most part...the same reasons many believers will read this post and not act beyond what efforts they can already spare...fear, apathy, and comfort to name a few. I am not here though to insult or aggravate though.

I am here to say that though I am horribly frustrated walking in this maze or sorts, I see a pattern. The pattern is, and this may sound silly, much like the McMannus books I have read. Starting with "Unstoppable Force", a book which to my surprise at the time fanned a flame inside that had already been lit. One which said get out there and go! Don't just be the ritual, don't just be a small lighthouse. (Wonderfull of an analogy as it is it has limits.) Then nearly a year later I find a book which fans a fire inside. A fire that had been burning for quite some time before the book was read which is about those who heed the call and the spirit that they have compared to the norm. Now, sitting on my coffee table, is a third book titled "Seizeing your Divine Moment" about actually going out and living that adventure. Perhaps an end to a trilogy, but maybe just a begining. These books, more so their spirit, is the very same that is burning me up inside.

And so rounds off the post. I'm fed up with apathy and with the fear. Of course, I've got "tenative" responsibilities and no obvious need for which I would drop it all and run. It is out there though and I know I just have to watch and listen for the call, which may not be anything grand in all honesty and that's ok. I just feel like I'm supposed to be doing something else, you know. Like I'm sitting at a table watching the sand pass through my hourglass or like a reved engine that's sitting in neutral.