A call to Multiclass...

...from Rogue to Monk to Cleric to...Barbarian? ^_^

Ok, I'm about fed up with this. No, I don't mean this Blog which has been steadily dwindling for months now or the Neverwinter Nights game from previous posts. I mean...well, you'll see.

Over the past I don't know 6-7 months I have gone through my usual spells. Up and down, up and down. Throughout this time I learned so very much about myself and others and in that I am most pleased. Even more so I think it has been a blessing to be able to count the downs as much a blessing as the ups.

However, I am getting very tired of my own attitude. Fearful, uncertain, and slitghly apathetic. Some who know me may not concider me such things, but I have to ask, "aren't we all to some degree?" What bothers me is this. (Surprise, it's not a short story.)

I finished a book recently by Erwin McMannus. Early on in the life of this site I read another of his books and found so much insite in it that I had to post about it. This book is twice what that one was though it's size is small by comparison. The book is aptly titled "The Barbarian Way" and further depicts the type of relationship Christ intended between Him and His followers. I am tempted to buy copies of it and hand them out to be honest. Anyway, back to the point. My life is currently a waste in terms of use. Don't over react please I am simply saying that, in my eyes and in my heart, I am missing the boat. Not in terms of a personal realationship with God or understanding and education (in those aspects I have never been better off), but in terms of action. This book is not really what set me off tonight. The months prior to tonight is what has built up inside. The realization of what is possible and what is needed coupled with my daily routine makes me split at the seams with unrest. Day to day I fight personal urges and the slippery slope of conformity to what goes on around me. If I am ambitious I read or write or take a class of some sort, but that is often the extent of it. By no means do I think these things are a mistake for a Christian. The mistake is to be held back from more...to hold yourself back from more. Of course not everyone with my beliefs feels the same. Many are happy to "just be" and many are happy to inch a little further each year. I often hoped I was one of the later (that I was content with self-improvement), but it would seem I am not. So then, why am I typing a post when needs are waiting to be met? For the most part...the same reasons many believers will read this post and not act beyond what efforts they can already spare...fear, apathy, and comfort to name a few. I am not here though to insult or aggravate though.

I am here to say that though I am horribly frustrated walking in this maze or sorts, I see a pattern. The pattern is, and this may sound silly, much like the McMannus books I have read. Starting with "Unstoppable Force", a book which to my surprise at the time fanned a flame inside that had already been lit. One which said get out there and go! Don't just be the ritual, don't just be a small lighthouse. (Wonderfull of an analogy as it is it has limits.) Then nearly a year later I find a book which fans a fire inside. A fire that had been burning for quite some time before the book was read which is about those who heed the call and the spirit that they have compared to the norm. Now, sitting on my coffee table, is a third book titled "Seizeing your Divine Moment" about actually going out and living that adventure. Perhaps an end to a trilogy, but maybe just a begining. These books, more so their spirit, is the very same that is burning me up inside.

And so rounds off the post. I'm fed up with apathy and with the fear. Of course, I've got "tenative" responsibilities and no obvious need for which I would drop it all and run. It is out there though and I know I just have to watch and listen for the call, which may not be anything grand in all honesty and that's ok. I just feel like I'm supposed to be doing something else, you know. Like I'm sitting at a table watching the sand pass through my hourglass or like a reved engine that's sitting in neutral.