Digital Hound Dog

Ok, on my quest of gathering and assimilating stuffs I came across this page. It’s a bit of a long read, but I couldn’t say it better I think and it in part is so much what I would want to say. On it are…

• -A well stated opening about evangelism in current day times.
• -A list of scriptures detailing the evangelism or apologetic calling that we in fact do have upon us.
• -A small list of how different Christians have seemed to approach this task.
• -A list of basics that speak of how we aught to approach evangelism today.

Another good place to get your bearings is CARM. Though I don’t necessarily advocate ‘all’ of what it says, it’s a good starter kit for talking and getting your bearings with what’s coming when you travel down the evangelism road. Much of it has to do with being ready and capable when it comes time to answer or correct someone. (Doing so in love is of course paramount as well.) So to that end there is a list of 40 small and frequently asked questions or statements that Christians face as well as basic answers to them on this page. Things like...

• All religions are different paths to the same place.
• I prefer to remain open-minded
• I am already good enough.
• I am already religious
• What makes you think the Bible is the word of God.
• What about those that have never heard the Gospel.

At any rate, I hope you Christians have the time to at least read the first link (if not both) and that those of you who are not Christian might consider looking over the second link as it contains a great deal of base information to a variety of questions you may have or be curious about. (As always my email is listed as well.)

The Edge of Reason

So, with many things falling away that had been holding my attention over the past few months, I am feeling more and more the squirming of the Spirit in my belly. I actually want to read and write and speak of it, I want to grow again. So I, as usual, turn to apologetics and evangelism as my road of choice to get back in the flow. And, as usual, I skirt around the internet to find resources and refreshers...of which there are many. Currently I’m pumped to find some action, but patients is a virtue and theirs a lesson I must not miss. The lesson is evangelism to those close, taking the initiative (again in some cases) with the intent of doing a better job this time.

Last time I was put through these paces I was overjoyed to find the wisdom and opportunities that God presented me with. (I’d like to think that much was accomplished, but maybe only within me.) The last time that I am referring to I went after apologetics specifically, finding information by the boatloads and soaking it all up as best I could. The types of apologetics (Classical, Evidential, Presuppositional, etc..), older and newer uses, logical arguments and counter arguments, etc… I was a happy little clam, believe me. I was most of all thankful for the things I had then seen and the situation I have become aware of. Though I was happy in my duties, I sadly stopped my growth in favor of putting what I had to use. That in itself provided a great deal of growth so I can’t feel bad about it, but this opportunity I can’t let pass again.

You see, apologetics is many things, one of those things being a form of evangelism. Evangelism is taking the gospel, other scriptural truths, and the God we have come to know so intimately out to those who do not know it or Him. It is in all honesty a necessary part of our lives in Christ and one that has been woefully forgotten. Though I was aware of the weakness I wasn’t moved to change it really, until I saw what I have seen and heard what I have heard. Because of this new awareness, I am reading and finding ways to practice evangelism in the old ways.

Notice I’m not saying “new ways” but “old ways”. It is important to distinguish them I think because one way is a direct example and a proven one at that. It is important because the old way is effective and proper while the new way is misleading and at times borders on useless. The old way involves crazy things like going up to random people and addressing them in love, compassion, and humility. It does not let a moment escape and it knows (through experience and a heart moved by the Spirit) what to say to a person who needs to hear. It doesn’t just walk up and start explaining the gospels whether they like it or not. It can argue a point or make a point in its favor. It can break down walls and build up the weak in its presence. It knows no bounds and is never truly inactive. The new way involves a wide variety of things, but when we really boil it down and make a general statement about it, we find that the so called new way is basically to live better in the sight of others and often to advertise (with music, emblems, tee-shirts, books, movies, etc). Are these things bad? Heck no, but we have come to “rely” on them to do the talking haven’t we? Be honest my friends, I doubt any one of us has upheld our end of this bargain.

I’m not trying to accuse anyone and I am accusing everyone. I’m sure we can all look back to that one time when we talked to our friend or family member about Christ. Or that time when we got in a verbal fight about someone’s language or morals at work or school. You are right to count those times regardless of how they went, but if those are the extent of your evangelism it’s time to at least consider the possibilities. That Christ, nor the disciples, would have been satisfied with such an evangelism ministry. Now, in light of the times, I’ll be posting the things I learn and would like to pass along to you all. Bits and pieces of things most likely what I have read and found that serves a purpose as well as where I am at with this.

A blind sentinel

The term "blind sentinel" brings an image to my mind as do many of these titles and metaphors I post with. In my mind the sentinel is a titan of sorts, though maybe not in size. A defender of a cause. A keeper of something worthy. Wise and unyielding. Confident and effective. To couple "blind" with such qualities raises a question of capability and usefulness doesn't it? To be such a thing, blind, is to have certain traits be defeated or utterly removed. (It doesn’t have to mean so, but often does imply it.) So then what am I getting at with all this?

Sometimes I feel like the blind sentinel. Charged with protecting something. An ideal or a person. Sometimes even protecting myself, but no matter how I count my pluses I cannot shake my minuses. In my mind this "blind sentinel" figure is strong, but not impervious. Unyielding in his determination, but imperfect in execution. Passionate of his purpose, but easily distracted. The term sentinel and it's uses are very familiar to me having grown up immersed in comics. The difference is in the details here though. These creations did not face what we as people face. Many were machines and as such faced little but what their programming allowed. Those that were not machines faced human issues, but were always handed relatively clear choices and always found timely reasoning or motivation. We do not have this luxury as real people. Not always and not often.

And so, far removed from the heroes of my minds eye, we stand with shaky legs and week knees for our causes. At our best we are children with grand hopes and even more grand imaginations. We fancy ourselves as more than what we are and doing more than we can. Sounds a bit depressing actually, but I don't mean it to be. We are simply what we are...confused yet hopeful, but we are all blind sentinels my friends. We have all taken up a cause of importance, at least to us, and been less successful than we would have liked. Maybe we failed to protect someone from another person or even themselves. Maybe we tried to stand for something and came up lacking in ability or desire or focus. Maybe we wanted to uphold a quality or value for someone or something and could not. Maybe we simply never stood for or protected anything at all, in doing so have stood useless while needs abound.

In any case, even with the occasional victory, we are all capable of being a sentinel of something. Flawed and quirky, but none the less able to be a guardian of something good. A protector of something unable to protect itself. Qualities of old days lost to new ones...

My Monolith

Surprising just how dark it gets when the sun falls from it's seating in the sky. So dark the that light is lost within. I was thinking on the way home tonight, driving along the wet dark highway, of how quickly it got dark here. Not how dark it got tonight or here as the Harrisburg area, but how dark my days seem to be. My confession is simple, I have made choices I may live to regret. It's those very same choices that cast my world into the shadow of a monolith.

Of course their is hope and love in the arms of God and I wouldn't want to give the impression that I think otherwise, but truly I have even made wrong choices on that front my friends. Nothing that can't be forgiven, but certainly choices that set me back. I have been called by old ghosts and sadly I have welcomed them home. Now, begins again the process of eviction. These "ghosts" are nothing more than habits to be honest, but none-the-less shift my gaze from the sky’s to the depths. A distraction of comfort that I did not (do not) need right now.

What's all the more troubling is that after up heaving my world for an answer and a choice, I find myself in the grip of a host of other questions. I have found no true satisfaction in my choice. Now, no man holds the answers to the questions I have. Guidance perhaps, but not answers. They are for me to search out. Dots for me to connect and that is fair. All I want though is for a change of heart or a decisive answer within. I'm tired of this tedious balance of up and down, right and left, yes and no, which ironically grants me nothing but an imbalance.

I guess I'm just saying that this game is not over and I expect to see the next sunrise in it, but that I'm not a "happy camper" as they say. Please pray for me...this road is dark and long.

Obvious Illusions

Lucid Dreams. A strange concept, but a familiar one. Familiar in that most of us have day dreamed about being some place or doing something that in reality we could not accomplish. I think that is a universal truth among humankind. Lucid dreams however are not about day dreams or fantasies. They are not about dreams that felt real either. Lucid dreams are those rare dreams when you know you are dreaming and when realized you understand that you have control.

I myself have never had a lucid dream or at least none that I can remember. Most of the dreams I have are chaotic and twisted. Events and places I have never known mesh with concepts and people I do know. (Often they are intense and border on scary without actually being scary. However they play out they are almost never calm or peacefull and I never realize that the craziness is breaking the boundaries of reality until I wake up.) I have had friends though that claim to be able to do this and what I have read makes me very interested in it. OVerall it sounds like a lot of work and it sounds potentialy dangerous in a few ways, but think of the possibilities. For someone like me it is akin to winning the lottery.

Anyhow, from what I understand, their are a bunch of techniques to get a person familiar with and access this strange conciousness. I have read that a lot of people try to use drugs to do it and I think that seems counter productive to get doped up first. Most people just seem to arrange specific sleep schedules, keep dream journals, and use habits formed in their real lives to identify the dream situations from reality. So far, again from what I have read, this has not been a bad or harmfull thing to do and infact is being practiced on a scientific level to gain understanding of such things.

Now, how far does this rabbit hole go? Well, I have no idea actually. Most of what I read has to do with lucid dreaming and dream exploring, but I have read accounts of shared dreams, prophecy dreams, astral projection, and other such things. None of these ideas are foreign to me, but a few of them I had believed to be out of the realm of mans ability. Who knows just how honest and accurate these accounts are. Maybe very, maybe not at all. I'll keep reading for a while to find out more, but who knows, I may actually give this a shot.

Gadgetology

Hello readers. Don't know if you noticed, but I am changing the layout a bit. Little by little. I switched out the Buddies link at the top and replaced it with my different art stuffs. In addition I posted up a picture viewer on the right. Just use the arrows on it to go back and forth and if you want to see a particular image larger just click on it. Soon I'll be posting up some kind of jukebox in place of the links list on the right. It won't play automatically though so don't worry about that. It should have 3-5 songs per month that I have chosen from the month before. A sort of monthly favorites compilation that you can listen to. Why not. (^_^)

I'd really like to do some more things in terms of layout and fancypants animations, but bloggers coding is touchy when it comes to formatting. So if I do away with the formatting (in favor of my own) I lose the actual blogger posting ability. Which means I'd have to keep track on my own and move things around every time I want to post. Bleh! Not for me.

Anyway, not much news at the moment. I just wanted to mention these things. Keep an eye out. Let me know if something is cool or if it sucks. Thanks everyone.

In The Eye

Hello. Welcome to the disaster. It is very much like a tornado or hurricane really and maybe that metaphor relates to everyone’s life at some point. It is calm at the center, but the center seems to keep moving. It takes a lot of energy, a lot of focus, to keep up with the storms movement. If I don't try I start to fall behind and I am wounded by it when it overtakes me. I was wounded by it often over the years, most recently last Sunday, when it left me broken and devastated more than it had in a long time. The kind of brokenness that leads to drawn curtains, moody music, flowing tears, and great poetry. Interesting how quickly life shifts on us, how erratic the storm seems to move. Just last Saturday I was at peace and so happy in the moments that passed. Then Sunday comes and I am left here on the floor clearing my eyes, trying to look for the next direction to move. And the direction will come, but the storm is tricky and I will have to be sharp (attentive) to pick up on it in good time. I'd rather that than get overtaken again. I miss the eye of the storm, it's safety and comfort, but it's unrealistic to think we won't get hurt in life. It would be equally unrealistic to think that we shouldn't get up and try again after getting hurt though, so I shall.

So anyway, I'm all kinds of useless right at the moment. I can't find the strength to focus or maintain motivation for long. I want to draw, read, get back to school work, and adventure outside a little, but I can't get off the couch. Not for long anyway. Yesterday (while I was running an errand) I saw another amazing cloud ribbon and a cloud with a rainbow in it, like the one I saw many months ago. On top of that sight it seemed like many of the clouds had been wind-ripped and it left them looking much like wings or flowing white gowns. In times like these when I'm such a mess it's nice to see such uplifting beauty in the world. It counters my emo. I gave a bit of effort to get a picture (driving around looking for a good spot), but it didn't pan out. So that moment is only for my memory now, that memory and so many more stored up in my heart. The heart IS mans most powerful and least utilized gift from God. Even though it is so great a blessing it can be equally great a weakness. Certainly is a fragile thing when we take it out to use it and use it we should. Regardless of the risk. If you're going through a similar time in your life I hope you won't (haven't) package and lock away your heart on account of the wound. Though most of us have done so in the past, recoiled from a wound and never truly recovered, I hope we can overcome that scar as well in time. Have hope reader.

Fall-back, Reach-out

So my friends and I went on a small group retreat for the weekend down to Lake Meade. It was a great time. We got their on Friday night and I learned how to play Chinese checkers, which I now love. Then as more people showed up we sat down with pizza and chicken steak stromboli, talking about all kinds of things. We all got a tour of the home we stayed in and let me tell you it was gorgeous. Then we all kind of split up, some went to get in the hot-tub and I went to play pool. Man I love to play pool, it's in the family blood along with crafts, skiing, and a few others things. I was getting tired by the 7th game, I'm getting too old to stay up late, so everyone headed to bed around 12. My best friend and I found some bunk-beds and ended up talking till almost 3am about all kinds of things. Mostly God and faith matters.

On Saturday, when I finally got up it was almost 9. I was a bit nervous cause I had been given the task of devotions/study/sharing time after breakfast and I hadn't overly prepared. But none the less the Holy Spirit was with us all weekend. It was tangible in-fact. It was in the sound of the lake and feel of the breeze. So I put on my headphones and went outside alone listening to Caedmons Call_Wings of the Morning. A very appropriate song. In the end I felt quite calm and it went quite well. I am thankful for the chance to be in the spirit, not because it is so rare, but because I don't exist day to day with that feeling of connectedness as I felt that day. I am too self-involved, too aware of my abilities (or lack of) to remain in a constant connection. It makes me sad to say that I am so less than I would like, but I know in time I will mature and grow. I look forward to that time.

After the devotion we ate lunch and most people went out to water-ski and tube on the lake. I was just enjoying the day from the deck. Watching life unfold so graceful. Then a dear friend asked me to go canoeing(sp?) which I hadn't done since I went to camp Hebron as a child. Needless to say I am not built for constant rowing, but I adored that time out on the lake with my friend rowing and talking and laughing as we were blown around by the lake winds. Eventually, exhausted, we headed back to land and it seemed to happen all at once that the group collapsed. Taking a nap time.

When we woke dinner was made and we played pool a little more. Eventually we ate dinner and did a very nice letter game where we wrote a little something to each person in the group on a card with their name on it. Then we sealed the letter to be read later. Most of what I wrote was meant to be either encouraging or appreciative and what I received was just the same which was nice. Towards the end of the night we started a bonfire and took a night-time boat ride, which I was reluctant to do, but found to be very nice. Oh we also watched "The end of the spear" which I had seen before. It was quite a good movie considering the group and the reason for the gathering. It also tied neatly into the devotional I had helped lead which was about outreach.

So yea, it was a wonderful time.

Built to break

I'm bored and I don't want to do the work that I have. So what then shall I do? How's about a post, why not! =P But what to post on...what indeed. So many thoughts are rushing around in my head you'd think I could just grab hold of one and go with it, but no it doesn't work that way.

How about this one. Recently, I have come under criticism because I, like many others, put stock in feelings and to some level I put trust in these feelings. Not emotion type feeling exactly, but something deeper. Some type of connection that has always existed, but leaves few traces to track to a source. From my dealings I have traced this source first to creation and then to God. I know for certain I am not the only one as many people throughout the years have shared this gift to varying degrees, some well past mine. So in recent conversations with some interesting acquaintances I have taken a beating for utilizing and leaning on this connection. These people do not seem to understand it and consequently I doubt share in it. They value thought over feeling and that is fine with me, to each his own as they say, but such a policy is not what they would follow. Instead some, at first sign, assemble an assault against the trust of feelings or the existence of more than what they see. No harsh words have been spoken mind you, but none the less a struggle is a struggle no matter what realm it exists on.

One on one it has been a blow for blow approach, back and forth with control and a measure of compassion, but this recent event pits the odds a bit more lopsided. And so even in good times this is a heavy battle. For the most part it is only a heavy battle in that they do not wish to consider the concepts I am lead to put forth there. Instead they read through my words and pick their targets, then mount an assault. Each one backing or covering the approach of the next if the opportunity arrises. If this were a BF2 match I'd commend them for teamwork, but it is not a game. The problem is that at some point I have to put an end to it because I don't think they will get tired and in truth my point has already been made more than once. I don't like the idea of leaving this hanging though. It feels wrong to walk away, but the problem is a simple matter of refusal to believe. (Heh, that's a statement that carries farther than intended.)

Anyway, I don't know about your experiences, but trying to convince someone who is focused on the mind of the hearts worth is so very hard. So much so that, for me, I need to leave it to God to handle His affairs. Yea, that is the idea all along, but I get very wrapped up in the explanation and desire to help with understanding. Ok, well that killed a few minutes, should be time to go home soon and check back on the conversation again. It's going to be a long night.

In the Wilderness

So camp went pretty well. I was prepared enough, it would seem, to manage in all things, but I didn't feel like it was quite the rewarding experience that it had been last year. Something about the connection between the kids and the counselors was off. I am told that the kids are getting harder to reach as the years pass and, if my two years experience are worth anything, I can attest to that. The mini-sermon called a Discovery group went well though to be honest I had spent three nights in a row sitting in my car rehearsing. The rehearsing was only successful in calming me down a bit as in the moment all plans fall away and the Holy Spirit stands tall. In moments like that I see, in my imagination, myself as a shell of sorts (like a car for example) and the Holy Spirit as the driver. The problem I see is that I am more like Herby (Herby the Love Bug) in that I have a mind of my own and don’t give up control quite as easily as I should. I think it would be better to be a regular car sometimes so that HS could take over as it should, without interference. It would make me a far more effective tool for service. Instead I try to do the thinking a bit too much and muck up things more than I feel is acceptable. Anyway, that aside the daily teaching of the Webpage stuff went well enough I suppose. Days one and two were about plain HTML done in notepad so that they could get a grasp on the bottom rung of Webpages. Believe me I fumbled on Monday big-time, but hey its hard to remember lines of code that you hardly ever need anymore. ^_^ On the third day we hoped over to Dreamweaver to get a taste of what it's like to design a page without using pure code. I don't know how much they appreciated that though because it seemed to be the least interesting day for the kids. The last two days we played with Flash and they loved it. A few who paid attention really learned a lot and seemed to be happy with it while the rest just enjoyed the programs basic abilities. In either case it was a better ending than beginning for the week.

Now, enough of me, back to the kids. It seems that, with the world as it is, these children are building up certain things faster then appropriate. (I know that isn't news to most of you, but I mean the speed and strength that the walls seem to have is growing.) I myself went through the same base process (I am certain of it), but for me it played out in a way that benefited me. Not all these kids will be so blessed I'm afraid. By building up too fast a person walls off from all but what it available to them at the moment and even then, only the things that are acceptable to their lives are accepted. So if a child has no focus in life and sees no focus in those nearby, be-it parents or friends, focus becomes much less a priority. The same goes for anything really, anything lacking in the moment is left lacking. Why do I say it's then left lacking? Because once the wall rises and its lengths fortified what hope does a good deed or a kind word do to penetrate. Can solid guidance ram through a wall like that? Even if it does manage to penetrate what is to say that it would be received as intended when all that is known on the persons side of that wall is the lacking of such a virtue or wisdom. How many people have you heard say that X is not worth the time it takes to speak of it and yet we know that X is so very important. Love, patients, kindness, compassion, appreciation, willingness, sacrifice, introspective thought, etc. These things seem to be missing from the view of our kids, more and more, and it is leaving an impression.

Well that all sounded a bit depressing didn't it? Sorry about that. It wasn't all bad trust me. I made some good firends (a few of which have carried somewhat past the week itself) and made a few great memories. It was a tough year, but also quite rewarding.

From under the mask

Have you ever gotten a call you didn't want? Yes, I imagine you have. Chances are you still get them, I know I do. These calls I am talking about aren't from the phone though. These calls are inside. We are all receivers you know. Sure, the call may be different and the caller maybe different, but none-the-less we all have callings. This call, is to something more than a normal life. Who reading this has never felt as a child that they were somehow destined to greater things than the average lives around them? Even if for a fleeting moment.

My depiction of destiny has always been a man with arms full of masks. These masks have changed as time progressed, switched out one for another, but the man beneath has remained essentially the same. These masks read like an open book to those few who get to see them in the dark corners where he stands. Each mask is bolder and more intense. Each mask exudes confidence and charisma more than the next. Each mask has a word written across the front and a story written behind the eyes. Each mask, though intricately different, is an extension of the next. Each mask speaks one word, but it is so faint and fragile.

So this one word has been my assumed destiny and nothing else. I say assumed because it is one that I may have well chosen on my own. It may in fact not be mine to live. Now, no other dream has bested it and though it lived only in my imagination for many years (in that comfortable and safe place) it has found a way out. It is alive and it is thrashing about in the wake of finding realities oh-so unwelcoming arms. Struggling in defiance of a world that does not seem to be designed for such a virtue.

What then of the masked man? He is stubborn and refuses to give up to the harshness of any world, imagination or reality. However, he is confused and afraid as he wonders what the next move is and whether these masks have been made for him or by him. The slippery answers to these questions weigh on his feet and drag his eyes down. No hand has intervened and no tear has watered his dry lips save for one. So he shuffles around in the deep places with a fire burning inside. Speaking over and over that one fragile word so that I don't forget. A reminder that every passing moment is a chance to remove the mask and wear the truth underneath.

So this call that comes to me now, it bears no mask. It is not a shield for me to cover up with and, most disturbingly, it has no story written on it that I can see. So like the mask man I shuffle and stumble wanting to both welcome this call and wanting it to be different than it is at the same time. Wondering if it is in fact a call that I can heed and where it will take me. Most of all wondering if that faint spoken word is my life and reality now...or is it only a dream?

*This bout of utter metaphor and confusing dialogue provided by Dayspring. Dayspring, your source for nonsensical posts since 2004.