My Monolith

Surprising just how dark it gets when the sun falls from it's seating in the sky. So dark the that light is lost within. I was thinking on the way home tonight, driving along the wet dark highway, of how quickly it got dark here. Not how dark it got tonight or here as the Harrisburg area, but how dark my days seem to be. My confession is simple, I have made choices I may live to regret. It's those very same choices that cast my world into the shadow of a monolith.

Of course their is hope and love in the arms of God and I wouldn't want to give the impression that I think otherwise, but truly I have even made wrong choices on that front my friends. Nothing that can't be forgiven, but certainly choices that set me back. I have been called by old ghosts and sadly I have welcomed them home. Now, begins again the process of eviction. These "ghosts" are nothing more than habits to be honest, but none-the-less shift my gaze from the sky’s to the depths. A distraction of comfort that I did not (do not) need right now.

What's all the more troubling is that after up heaving my world for an answer and a choice, I find myself in the grip of a host of other questions. I have found no true satisfaction in my choice. Now, no man holds the answers to the questions I have. Guidance perhaps, but not answers. They are for me to search out. Dots for me to connect and that is fair. All I want though is for a change of heart or a decisive answer within. I'm tired of this tedious balance of up and down, right and left, yes and no, which ironically grants me nothing but an imbalance.

I guess I'm just saying that this game is not over and I expect to see the next sunrise in it, but that I'm not a "happy camper" as they say. Please pray for me...this road is dark and long.